這篇的確是大廚文──是大廚的文章(汗)
未經過原po同意就轉錄了，畢竟我實在不知道怎麼連絡大廚。
不過...有些國外鄉民已經把這篇大剌剌貼在討論區上了，
我想大廚光忙著告他們就來不及了，應該不會殺來批踢踢，
我就假裝大廚不會介意，冒昧地貼過來好了，
希望到時推文不要出現：噓 ImDavidCook:誰准妳轉的嗄？嗄？
之類的東西。
不知道各位記不記得之前我po過的，有關大廚有個絕症哥哥的八卦，
這是大廚前年寫的有關他哥哥的文章(來看看這個word nerd，
文筆是不是真的有很好？)
嗯希望亞當一切安好，很抱歉我之前誤認為你...。orz
(Adam Cook就是大廚吉他上"AC"所指的對象)
我覺得他現在這樣安安靜靜地不提這件事還滿好的啦，
人各有自己的難題，攤出來給大眾不一定適恰。
(我想到Kellie Pickler...她實在太悲情了。~__~)
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
By David Cook
An observation amidst the chaos...
So, I realize that I have neglected Xanga over the past year. I guess I just
didn't really feel like I had anything important to say. But recent events in
my life have given me the opportunity to re-evaluate my...for lack of a
less-epic term...existence. In order to explain it the right way, I have to
set up the premise...
◎ 欸我的英文閱讀能力其實沒有很好，有錯請指正...= =|||
這篇文章應該是在回應某個人吧，從開頭那段來看。
這段大概是說，最近(2006那時)他生活中發生了一些事，
讓他能重新衡量他自身的存在意義，然後開始談到底是什麼事。
(他自己也知道existence這個字用得不算淺...XD
雖然不是什麼big word但...)
In 1998, my older brother, Adam, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Being as
how I had really just started to know him as a family member (separate story
...) I probably didn't take it as well as I could've. I remember being
convinced that my brother was going to die. It was a fucking brain tumor,
you know? After he beat it, I swore I would never take anyone's character
for granted. The courage he displayed is the most amazing thing I've ever
encountered, and since then, he's been the "prototype" for me. An example of
the person I could become.
◎ 1998年他哥得腦癌(瘤)，Being as how I had really just started to know him
as a family member這句牽涉到另一個故事，所以他沒有仔細解釋。
總之當時他們兄弟關係可能剛剛建立，可能剛剛好轉，可能...反正就是有了一些
改變了，他哥哥卻發生這樣的事情。然後亞當的勇敢給大廚一些點醒，
他更珍視身邊的人，也把他哥哥當成心中英雄。
So, no eight long years later, we're back in this scenario. A little older,
a little wiser, but still scared to death for him the way I was in '98.
This feeling of uncertainty mixed with this idea that I haven't progressed
nearly as much as I thought I had. I am aware that my concerns lie more with
Adam, Andrew, my Dad, etc., then they did last time. Call it selfish, and
maybe it was, but I was 16 years old, for christ's sake. The tumors have
spread to his spine, dangerously close to his spinal cord. He lost vision
for a few days. And for the first time in my life, my brother admitted he
was scared. It's hard maintaining composure when someone you care about says
that in the face of death, because it's admitting that there is this huge
blob of uncertainty about the whole thing.
◎ "I am aware that my concerns lie more with Adam, Andrew, my Dad, etc.,
then they did last time. Call it selfish, and maybe it was, but I was
16 years old, for christ's sake." 我跟t大都不太清楚他這段要表達什麼。= =+
這大段就是在講他哥病復發，然後亞當承認他很害怕，他承認自己害怕這件事，
讓大廚很沒安全感，一個role model的示弱往往隱喻某種崩毀這樣。
I also worry about Kendra and the kids. Kendra has been amazing through all
this, and I can honestly say that I couldn't do what she's done. And the
kids...oh, lord. the kids... they're the greatest thing that could've ever
happened to this family. To hear Adam talk about them is so cool. I worry
about them, too.
◎ 這邊很大愛，就是大廚很擔心他哥的太太跟小孩(沒講但我猜就是吧)
大廚應該滿愛他的侄子們的。
I know all this sounds really morose and pessimistic. It's not meant to be.
I'm forcing myself to maintain a cautiously optimistic demeanor about all
this. I owe Adam that. Hell, I owe this whole family that. But, it's hard.
It's hard seeing your role model suffering and having to deal with this
concept that they might not be around tomorrow. It's made me see everything
a little differently. What are my responsibilities as a son? A brother?
A boyfriend? A friend? Hell, what are my responsibilities to myself?
◎ 大廚並不想表現得憂鬱沉重，雖然很難熬但他還是想逼自己表現得正向，
然後他開始思考自己在生活中扮演的各個角色的職責跟意義
Please don't respond to this. That's not the point of this entry. I guess
I just needed to get some thoughts out on something, rather than carry them
around as excess weight. Besides, this is much easier than crying and not
advancing through life. As bad as I feel about the whole thing, I can't even
touch what Adam is going through, and what he's going to go through. Direct
chemotherapy to the brain. radiation. Everything's so unsure right now. All
I can say for sure, though.... regardless of what happens, He's the strongest
person I know. hands down.
◎ (懶得打字了XDDD)我想他打這篇就是發洩一下，也不希望大家覺得他背著什麼大包袱，
雖然他哥目前(2006)的情況不是很確定，他也無法親身去體驗他哥的病痛，
總之跟上段講的差不多，他重申他哥是他心中典範這樣。
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