101-part 01 - 六人行

101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate
(The Pilot-The Uncut Version)

[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]

Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!

Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be
something wrong with him!

Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump?
A hump and a hairpiece?

Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?

(They all stare, bemused.)

Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through
what I went through with Carl- oh!

Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date.
It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.

Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.

[Time Lapse]

Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school,
I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria,
and I realize I am totally naked.

All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.

Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.

Joey: Instead of...?

Chandler: That's right.

Joey: Never had that dream.

Phoebe: No.

Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring.
Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.

Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!

Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it,
and it turns out it's my mother,
which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!

[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]

Ross: (mortified) Hi.

Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.

Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?

Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat,
grabbed my small intestine,
pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...

Chandler: Cookie?

Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.

Joey: Ohh.

Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.

Ross: Thanks.

Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)

Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura!
No, just leave my aura alone, okay?

Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!

Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.

Monica: No you don't.

Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!

Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...

Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
She didn't know, how should I know?

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
(They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?

Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.

Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got
from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M.,
"I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren."
was what? A wrong number?

Ross: Sorry.

Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now.
You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?

(Ross gestures his consent.)

Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!

Ross: I don't want to be single, okay?
I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!

(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)

Chandler: And I just want a million dollars!
(He extends his hand hopefully.)

Monica: Rachel?!

Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God!
I just went to your building and you weren't there
and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here
and you are, you are!

Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?

Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody,
this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor.
(to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler,
and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?

Rachel: Hi, sure!

Ross: Hi.

(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens.
He sits back down defeated again.
A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits
and the others expect her to explain.)

Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?

Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding.
I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents,
and I was looking at this gravy boat.
This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden-
(to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?-
I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry!
And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me:
how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean,
I always knew looked familiar, but...
Anyway, I just had to get out of there,
and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this,
and who am I doing this for?'.
(to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go,
and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart,
but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.

Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.

Rachel: Ooh, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...

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雖然之前的文章已經刪了
不過說了提早開始 就提早吧
下星期 仍照原訂時間 台灣時間4/30以後
開始第二部份的討論 進度預計是part 01之後到第一段破口 中間只有一幕
（抱歉我沒開影片來看 原來101的片頭曲真的在片頭啊...）

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