101-part 05 - 六人行

101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate
(The Pilot-The Uncut Version) - PART 05

[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is making coffee for Joey and Chandler.]

Rachel: Isn't this amazing? I mean, I have never made coffee before
in my entire life.

Chandler: That is amazing.

Joey: Congratulations.

Rachel: Y'know, I figure if I can make coffee,
there isn't anything I can't do.

Chandler: If can invade Poland, there isn't anything I can't do.

Joey: Listen, while you're on a roll, if you feel like
you gotta make like a Western omelet or something...
(Joey and Chandler taste the coffee, grimace,
and pour it into a plant pot.)
Although actually I'm really not that hungry...

Monica: (entering, to herself) Oh good, Lenny and Squigy are here.

All: Morning. Good morning.

Paul: (entering from Monica's room) Morning.

Joey: Morning, Paul.

Rachel: Hello, Paul.

Chandler: Hi, Paul, is it?

(Monica and Paul walk to the door and talk in a low voice
so the others can't hear.
The others move Monica's table closer to the door so that they can.)

Paul: Thank you! Thank you so much!

Monica: Stop!

Paul: No, I'm telling you last night was like umm, all my birthdays,
both graduations, plus the barn raising scene in Witness.

Monica: We'll talk later.

Paul: Yeah. (They kiss) Thank you. (Exits)

Joey: That wasn't a real date?! What the hell do you do on a real date?

Monica: Shut up, and put my table back.

All: Okayyy! (They do so.)

Chandler: All right, kids, I gotta get to work.
If I don't input those numbers,...
it doesn't make much of a difference...

Rachel: So, like, you guys all have jobs?

Monica: Yeah, we all have jobs. See, that's how we buy stuff.

Joey: Yeah, I'm an actor.

Rachel: Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?

Joey: I doubt it. Mostly regional work.

Monica: Oh wait, wait, unless you happened to catch the Reruns' production
of Pinocchio, at the little theater in the park.

Joey: Look, it was a job all right?

Chandler: 'Look, Gippetto, I'm a real live boy.'

Joey: I will not take this abuse. (Walks to the door and opens it to leave.)

Chandler: You're right, I'm sorry.
(Burst into song and dances out of the door.)
"Once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."

Joey: You should both know, that he's a dead man.
Oh, Chandler? (Starts after Chandler.)

Monica: So how you doing today? Did you sleep okay? Talk to Barry?
I can't stop smiling.

Rachel: I can see that. You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.

Monica: I know, he's just so, so... Do you remember you and Tony DeMarco?

Rachel: Oh, yeah.

Monica: Well, it's like that. With feelings.

Rachel: Oh wow. Are you in trouble.

Monica: Big time!

Rachel: Want a wedding dress? Hardly used.

Monica: I think we are getting a little ahead of selves here.
Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work
and not think about him all day.
Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.

Rachel: Oh, look, wish me luck!

Monica: What for?

Rachel: I'm gonna go get one of those (Thinks) job things.

(Monica exits.)

[Scene: Iridium, Monica is working as Frannie enters.]

Frannie: Hey, Monica!

Monica: Hey Frannie, welcome back! How was Florida?

Frannie: You had sex, didn't you?

Monica: How do you do that?

Frannie: Oh, I hate you, I'm pushing my Aunt Roz through Parrot Jungle
and you're having sex! So? Who?

Monica: You know Paul?

Frannie: Paul the Wine Guy? Oh yeah, I know Paul.

Monica: You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?

Frannie: Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul. Y'know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.

[Scene: Central Perk, everyone but Rachel is there.]

Joey: (sitting on the arm of the couch)Of course it was a line!

Monica: Why?! Why? Why, why would anybody do something like that?

Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than
'to get you into bed'.

Monica: I hate men! I hate men!

Phoebe: Oh no, don't hate, you don't want to put that out into the universe.

Monica: Is it me? Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs
and men with severe emotional problems can hear?

Phoebe: All right, c'mere, gimme your feet. (She starts massaging them.)

Monica: I just thought he was nice, y'know?

Joey: (bursts out laughing again)
I can't believe you didn't know it was a line!
(Monica pushes him off of the sofa as
Rachel enters with a shopping bag.)

Rachel: Guess what?

Ross: You got a job?

Rachel: Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing!
I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.

Chandler: And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.

Rachel: You would be too if you found John and David boots on sale, fifty

percent off!

Chandler: Oh, how well you know me...

Rachel: They're my new 'I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got
great boots' boots!

Monica: How'd you pay for them?

Rachel: Uh, credit card.

Monica: And who pays for that?

Rachel: Um... my... father.


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