103-part 03 - 六人行

103 The One With the Thumb - PART 3

SCENE 3: IRIDIUM (MONICA AND PAULA ARE AT WORK)

MONICA: I mean, why should I let them meet him?
I mean, I bring a guy home,
and within five minutes they're all over him.
I mean, they're like- coyotes,
picking off the weak members of the herd.

PAULA: Listen. As someone who's seen more than her fair share of bad beef,
I'll tell you: that is not such a terrible thing.
I mean, they're your friends, they're just looking out after you.

MONICA: I know. I just wish that once,
I'd bring a guy home that they actually liked.

PAULA: Well, you do realise the odds of that happening
are a little slimmer if they never get to meet the guy..

(CUT TO RACHEL+MONICA'S APARTMENT. CHANDLER IS SMOKING ON THE BALCONY,
PHOEBE IS ABSENT)

JOEY: Let it go, Ross.

ROSS: Yeah, well, you didn't know Chi Chi.

MONICA: Do you all promise?

ALL: Yeah! We promise! We'll be good!

MONICA: (SHOUTS TO CHANDLER) Chandler? Do you promise to be good?

(CHANDLER MAKES A 'CROSS MY HEART' SIGN.
IT STARTS TO RAIN AND CHANDLER TAPS ON THE WINDOW)

JOEY: You can come in,
but your filter-tipped little buddy has to stay outside!

(CHANDLER SULKILY PICKS UP A GARBAGE CAN LID AND SHELTERS HIMSELF UNDER IT)

(ENTER PHOEBE. SHE STRIDES TO THE COUCH,
SITS DOWN AND BEGINS TO READ WITHOUT SAYING HI)

ROSS: Hey, Pheebs.

PHOEBE: 'Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling attention to our error.
We have credited your account with five hundred dollars.
We're sorry for the inconvenience, and hope you'll accept this-
(SEARCHES IN HER PURSE) -football phone as our free gift.'
Do you believe this?! Now I have a thousand dollars,
and a football phone!

RACHEL: What bank is this?

(DOOR BUZZER)

MONICA: Hey. It's him. (TO INTERCOM) Who is it?

ALAN (INTERCOM): It's Alan.

JOEY: (SHOUTS TO CHANDLER) Chandler! He's here!

(CHANDLER COMES IN, DRIPPING WET)

MONICA: (TO ALL) Okay, please be good, please.
Just remember how much you all like me.

(OPENS THE DOOR- ENTER ALAN)

MONICA: Hi. Alan, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Alan.

ALAN: Hi.

ALL: Hi, Alan.

ALAN: I've heard schho much about all you guyschh!

(GENERAL HYSTERIA)

SCENE 4: RACHEL+ MONICA'S (LATER IN THE EVENING)

MONICA: (AT THE DOOR, TO ALAN, WHO IS LEAVING) Thanks.
I'll call you tomorrow.
(TO ALL) Okay. Okay, let's let the Alan-bashing begin.
Who's gonna take the first shot, hmm?

(SILENCE)

MONICA: C'mon!

ROSS: ...I'll go. Let's start with the way he kept picking at-
no, I'm sorry, I can't do this, can't do this. We loved him.

ALL: Loved him! Yeah! He's great!

MONICA: Wait a minute!
We're talking about someone that I'm going out with?

ALL: Yeah!

RACHEL: And did you notice...? (SPREADS HER THUMB AND INDEX FINGER)

THE GUYS: (RELUCTANTLY) Yeah.

JOEY: Know what was great? The way his smile was kinda crooked.

PHOEBE: Yes, yes! Like the man in the shoe!

ROSS: ...What shoe?

PHOEBE: From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man,
Who had a crooked smile, Who lived in a shoe, For a... while...'

(DUBIOUS PAUSE)

ROSS: ...So I think Alan will become the yardstick against
which all future boyfriends will be measured.

RACHEL: What future boyfriends? Nono, I th- I think this could be,
y'know, it.

MONICA: Really!

CHANDLER: Oh, yeah. I'd marry him just for
his David Hasselhof impression alone.
You know I'm gonna be doing that at parties, right? (DOES IT)

ROSS: You know what I like most about him, though?

ALL: What?

ROSS: The way he makes me feel about myself.

ALL: Yeah...

(AD BREAK)


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