121-part 04 - 六人行

※ 引述《samchiu (閒祭秋)》之銘言：
121 The One With The Fake Monica –Part 4

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
[場景：中央咖啡園，羅斯正在和動物園的波哈拉醫生說話]

Ross: Where exactly is your zoo?
你們的動物園到底在哪裡啊？

Dr. Baldhara: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se,
it's more of an interactive wildlife experience.
Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel?
呃，嚴格說來那也不太算動物園啦，
比較像是一種野生動物的互動體驗區。
我有幾個問題想請教你關於，牠叫，呃，馬歇爾？

Ross: Yes.
對

Dr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with other animals?
牠會，呃，跟其他動物打架嗎？

Ross: No-no, he's, he's very docile.
不-不，他很，他很隨和的。

Dr. Baldhara: Even if he were... cornered?
即使是他被...逼急了？

Ross: Well I, I don't know. Why?
呃我，我不知道，幹嘛？

Dr. Baldhara: Uh, how is he at handling small objects?
呃，那他會拿一些小東西嗎？

Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
他會拿香蕉，如果你是指那個的話...

Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade?
如果像是鐵槌，或是小刀之類的咧？

Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade?
為..為..為什麼他會需要拿小刀？

Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns,
you've got to give the little guy something.
Otherwise it's just cruel.
好，如果他需要對上一隻山貓或是有角的動物，
你就得要給那小傢伙依點東西，不然就太殘忍了。

(Chandler and Joey burst in, with Marcel)
(錢德和喬伊衝進來，帶著馬歇爾)

Chandler and Joey: He- he- he got in, he- he got in to San Diego.
他...他...他進去了，他...他可以去聖地牙哥了。

Joey: We, we come back from our walk and the- the phone was ringing...
我們...我們去散步回來...然後電話響了

Chandler: ...He's in.
...他進了

Ross: He's in! Oh, did you hear that, Marcel? San Diego. San Diego!
他進了！喔，你聽到了嗎，馬歇爾？聖地牙哥。聖地牙哥耶！

Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here.
I mean, San Diego's all well and good,
but if you give him to me,
I'll start him off against a blind rabbit
and give you twenty percent of the gains.
你大錯特錯了，我是說，聖地牙哥是很好很棒，
但如果你把他交給我，我會先安排他對上瞎兔子，
然後給你20趴的分紅。

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Rachel is dusting.
She comes to the table, lifts all the magazines and wipes under them,
then just puts them down again. Monica bursts in, obviously drunk.]
[場景：莫妮卡瑞秋家，瑞秋在撣灰塵。她到桌子旁，拿起雜誌擦下面，
然後又放回去。莫妮卡衝進來，顯然喝醉了。]

Monica: Yo- hooo!
呦-呵！

Rachel: Where the hell've you been?
你到底是跑哪去了啊？

Monica: Monica and I just crashed an embassy party.
莫妮卡跟我剛剛砸了一個大使館派對。

Rachel: Are you drunk?!
你喝醉了嗎?!

Monica: Noooo! (Comes closer and whispers) I'm lying. I am so drunk.
沒～有！ (靠近說悄悄話) 我說謊，我超醉的。

Rachel: Oh God, oh. Great, Monica, y'know what, you could've called,
I have been up here, I've been worried...
天啊，喔。很好，莫妮卡，你知道嗎，你可以打個電話啊，
我整夜睡不著，我好擔心啊...

(Monica is drinking from the tap)
(莫妮卡直接從水龍頭喝水)

Rachel: Monica? Monica!
莫妮卡？莫妮卡！

Monica: Water rules!
自來水最讚！

Rachel: Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called,
they wanna know if you're gonna be showing up for work?
對啦，對啦，是很讚。好啦，聽著，餐廳打電話來，
他們想知道你今天會不會去上班？

Monica: Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today.
不了，今天要去大蘋果馬戲團

Rachel: Okay Monica, what are you doing? You're gonna lose your job!
This is not you!
好，莫妮卡？你到底在幹嘛？你會丟掉工作的耶！這一點都不像妳！

Monica: No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person
who needs to fluff the pillows and pay the bills
as soon as they come in!
Y'know, when I'm with her, I am so much more than that.
I'm- I'm Monana!
不，這才是我！知道嗎，我不只是那個老是把枕頭拍鬆，
又第一時間付掉帳單的人！
知道嗎，當我跟他一起，我比那個豐富的多，我...我是莫娜娜！

(The phone rings and Rachel answers)
(電話響瑞秋去接)

Rachel: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please.
Monana, it's for you, the credit card people.
哈囉？對，她在，請等一下。
莫娜娜，是找你的，信用卡公司的人。

Monica: Helloooo? Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks.
哈囉～～?　對。　喔天啊，謝謝。

Rachel: What?
　　　　怎樣？

Monica: They've arrested Monica.
　　　　他們逮捕了莫妮卡。

[Scene: New York City Department of Correction,
Monica is visiting Fake Monica.]
[場景：紐約市矯正部，莫妮卡去探視偽莫妮卡。]

Monica: Hi.
嗨

Fake Monica: Hey.
　　　　　　　嘿

Monica: How are you?
　　　　你好嗎？

Fake Monica: I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my colour.
How-how did you know I was here?
　　　　　　 不算太差。幸好，藍色跟我很搭，怎..你怎麼知道我在這裡？

Monica: Because... I'm Monica Geller. It was my credit card you were using.
因為... 我就是莫妮卡蓋勒。你盜用的是我的信用卡。

Fake Monica: That I was not expecting.
這倒是出乎意料。

Monica: I want you to know, it wasn't me who turned you in.
我只想告訴你，不是我出賣你的。

Fake Monica: Oh. Thanks.
喔。謝啦。

Monica: No, thank you! You have given me so much!
I mean, if it wasn't for you,
I would never have gotten to sing Memories on the stage
at the Wintergarden Theater!
不，謝謝你！你帶給了我好多！
我是說，如果不是為了你，我絕對不可能會在冬季花園的舞台台上唱《回憶》！

Fake Monica: Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'.
呃，實際上，你只不過唱了「回～」

Monica: I just can't believe you're in here.
I mean, what am I gonna do without you?
Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me?
Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus?
我真不敢相信你入獄了。我是說，少了你我怎麼辦？
誰要跟我一起去大使館派對砸場？
誰要蓋我去大蘋果馬戲團？

Fake Monica: Monica, I started my day by peeing
in front of twenty-five other women,
and you're worried about who's gonna take you
to the Big Apple Circus?
莫妮卡，我今天一天從在25個其他女人面前小便開始，
結果你在擔心誰要帶你去大蘋果馬戲團？

Monica: Well, not... worried, just... wondering.
呃，不是...擔心啦，只是...納悶。

Fake Monica: There's nothing to wonder about, Monica.
You're gonna go back to being exactly who you were,
because that's who you are.
沒什麼好納悶的，莫妮卡。
你只要坐回那個最真的自己就好，因為那就是你。

Monica: Not necessarily...
不見得吧...

Fake Monica: Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is,
maybe it's the Amish thing.
就是這樣！ 我是說，不知道為什麼，也許是阿米什血統吧...

Monica: Um, I'm not actually Amish.
嗯，我也不是真的阿米什人。

Fake Monica: Really? Then why are you like that?
真的嗎？那你怎麼會那樣？

[Scene: Tap Class, Monica is standing by the door.]
[場景：踢踏舞教室，莫妮卡站在門邊。]

Teacher: You by the door. In or out?
門邊的那個，要加入嗎？

Monica: In. (She joins in the dancing. She still flounders)
要。 (他加入了舞蹈，但還是很掙扎)

Teacher: You in the back, you're getting it all wrong!
後面的那個，你全部都跳錯了！

Monica: Yeah, but at least I'm doing it!
對，但至少我在跳啦！

[Scene: The Airport, everyone but Monica is there to see off Marcel.]
[場景：機場，莫妮卡之外的大家在那跟馬歇爾告別。]

PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego,
boarding at gate 42A.
這是往聖地牙哥的67號航班的最後登機通知，請於42A門登機。

Phoebe: Okay. Good-bye, little monkey guy.
Alright, I wrote you this poem.
Okay, but don't eat it 'till you get on the plane.
好吧。再見，小小猴子男。
好，我幫你寫了詩。好，但上飛機之前不可以吃喔。

Ross: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.
噢。謝謝妳，菲碧阿姨。

Phoebe: Oh!
喔！

Chandler: Okay, bye, champ.
Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego,
but remember, there's also a lot to learn.
好吧，掰了，冠軍。
聽著，我知道聖地牙哥那邊很多妞，但記住，也有很多事要學。

Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
我不知道要說什麼，羅斯。呃，那是隻猴子。

Ross: Just, just say what you feel.
就，就說你的感覺啊。

Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry.
馬歇爾，我餓了。

Ross: That was good.
說的不錯。

Rachel: (Brings Marcel a teddy bear) Marcel, this is for you.
It's, uh, just, y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
(給馬塞爾一隻泰迪熊) 馬歇爾，這個給你。
這是，呃，就，你知道，用來，嗯，在飛機上那個。

Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment, just me and him.
呃，你們不介意的話，我想用一點時間，跟牠獨處。

All: Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely.
喔，當然，當然，絕對可以。

(They just stand there, then realise what he means
and go to the other end of the room)
(他們就呆站著，直到搞懂他的意思，才去房間的另一邊)

Ross: Marcel, c'mere, c'mere.
(He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him)
Well buddy, this is it.
There's just a coupla things I want to say.
I'm really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you.
You've been more than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be-
(Marcel climbs down and starts humping his leg)
Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone?
Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?!
Marcel, would- okay, just take him away. Just take him.
馬歇爾，來啊，來啊。
(他坐下，馬歇爾跳下來坐在他身邊)
好夥伴，就這樣了。我只剩幾件事情要說。
我真的會很想念你，而且我絕對不會忘記你。
你對我而言不只是隻寵物，你比較像是我的...
(馬歇爾爬下來開始猥褻他的腿)
好，馬歇爾，拜託，可不可以放過我的腿？
你就不能稍微停下來幾分鐘就好？
馬歇爾，你... 好吧，帶牠走吧，帶牠走

(Marcel is put in a cage and taken away.)
(馬賽爾被放進籠子裡帶走)

Closing Credits
結尾字卡

[Scene: A Theater, there is a casting session going on for a play.]
[場景：某劇院，正在進行某齣戲的選角。]

Actor: (Very melodramatically, and very badly)
Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand,
that I might... touch thy cheek...
(非常誇張地，拙劣地)
喔，如果我是那手上的手套，我也許就能... 撫摸你的臉頰...

Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.
還不錯，謝謝你。

Casting Director No. 2: Next. (Joey walks onstage)
下一位。(喬伊走上台)

Joey: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio.
嗨，呃，我要唸一些馬庫修的台詞。

Casting Director No. 2: Name?
姓名？

Joey: Holden McGroin.
沃朱 瓦海賓

End
本集完

--