CSI: LV 920 雷 - CSI

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本集重點:
我給100分!!!100分!!!若有似無的閃到爆啊!!!!!
這篇會有點長，因為我想盡可能的記錄下來。

片頭，
馬上就是一段模仿Star Trek的影片，
太空船艦長跟外星人起衝突，
外星人威脅要殺害他的女性船員，
但是兩人很有默契的聯手將太空人制服......

然後影片就停住了，那是Astro Quest的經典片段，
原來是小哈人在一個sci-fi聚會whatificom的現場，
然後有人在向小哈兜售那個影片裡艦長使用的武器，
要價750美元大洋，
小哈: 750? Do I look like an idiot to you?
結果接著的下一幕你就看到小哈開心的拿著那個武器在把玩。 XDXD

開心在會場裡閒晃的小哈抬頭看到一個正妹背影，
穿著整套的太空船艦制服(腿超美的啦!)，
小哈: (忍不住讚嘆) Nice uniform...
正妹: (轉過身) (竟然是溫蒂!!!)
小哈: Wendy? You're Yeoman Molley?
溫蒂: (看到小哈手上的東西) You had a microphone!
小哈: Yeah. You are a quester?
溫蒂: Yeah.
小哈: I'm Captain Bishop in my own imagination.
溫蒂: Well, who is not?
小哈: I mean, wow, Yeoman Molley!
溫蒂: I love her! I mean, she's the only female biochemist on TV!
小哈: .......(看呆了)
溫蒂: (不好意思起來) Do you think I made the color right? I'm not so sure.
小哈: You... It looks perfect!
溫蒂: Thank you. Can I see that?
小哈: Of course. (遞出)
溫蒂: It's cool! (開心的把玩)
小哈: Chi-chunk Foo-chunk Bryce Tee-chunk.
溫蒂: (微笑) I don't speak Vellikon. What's that mean?
小哈: Well......(尖叫聲傳來)

會場裡假裝的艦橋室裡一名男子死亡被人發現，尖叫聲就是這樣傳來的，
小哈跟溫蒂當然馬上衝往現場。
小哈: We're in Crime Lab. Everybody steps back!
溫蒂: Ma'dam, don't touch anything. Please come with me.
小哈: (到男子身旁確認死亡，打了電話) Jim?
布拔: Bress.
小哈: Jim, this is Hodges. Listen, I'm in Whatificom, here is a man...
布拔: Whatif-- what? Where did you get my number?
小哈: I got it from last time Grissom called you on... This is not important!
Here is a man who get injured, and a lot of blood, and...
布拔: Could you be more specific?
小哈: He is dead, Jim.

囧尼、大衛跟布拔抵達現場。
囧尼忙著採證，蹲在他旁邊的溫蒂跟小哈你一言我一語的，搞的囧尼很煩，
小哈: Maybe you'll need a tape...
囧尼: Or maybe I should borrow a vacum and collect everthing here, then you
two will have enough evidence to work with in the following months.
How about that!? (兩人識相的閉嘴)
　　　Do me a favor, beam yourselves back to lab and let me do my job.
布拔詢問死者Jonathan的合作同夥，
該女子承認說她資助Jonathan進行所有東西的拍攝，
15個月來忙碌拍攝的影片是要在這次聚會上大放異彩的，
她不明白為何會有這樣的意外發生。

回到局裡，小哈忍不住摸去找正在處理屍體的烤魚，
小哈: You know, this remind me xxx episode......
烤魚: (抬頭，微笑)　I remembered that. Come'on in.
兩人在死者的傷口上發現奇怪的碎片物質。
烤魚：You always went to Whatificom with Wendy?
小哈: Actually, this is the first time......

離開法醫室的小哈上樓，看到正在忙碌中的溫蒂，
看著看著就陷入了自己的想像之中；
小哈: (化身為艦長)　It is pleasure to work with you , Yeoman.
As always.
溫蒂: (在小哈的想像中化身為Yeoman，撥頭髮到耳後)　Were you scared, Captain?
小哈: (站起身，炯炯有神的看著溫蒂) I wasn't before, but I am now.
溫蒂: But... you're my supervised commander...
小哈: I'm also a man. A man with his desire. (捧住溫蒂的臉)
溫蒂: You can't imagine how many nights I lay there for this moment.
小哈: I can guess...... (準備要吻下去)
烤魚: Hodges, you forget this. (把證物丟給小哈，硬生生打斷小哈的幻想!XD)

小葛跟阿奇在檢視Jonathan拍攝的影片，
溫蒂遞暗號給阿奇要阿奇也把影片轉到她的電腦，
然後溫蒂招手叫小哈從他的實驗室過來到她的實驗室看。
影片紀錄昨晚Jonathan在Whatificom的現場播放自製的Astro Quest影片，
他主演Captain Bishop，然後聲稱要讓大家看清楚現實 -- Astro Quest: Redux.
結果影片重複片頭出現的經典片段(只是是由Jonathan的人馬演出)，
這次船長不僅沒制服外星壞人，還導致他的船員Yeoman被殺害!
影片記錄到全場科幻迷看完大怒，最後Jonathan難堪的離場。
小葛: Some nerd take cheesy 60's sci-fi show into a little more... reality...
Other fans got pissed off and killed him???

囧尼跟Riley還在犯罪現場蒐證，
囧尼在設計成跟影片一樣場景的Commander chair發現精液的痕跡，
Riley則找到了影片放映的地方，並發現裡面有一片影片。
囧尼: I got a whole lots of geek love here...
Riley: (放出影片)
結果是三個人模仿成Astro Quest的角色，說經他們審判後確認Jonathan有罪，
接下來是一段合成Jonathan的卡通斬首影片。
Riley: (笑) I got to start watching this show.

小哈莫名奇妙去找凱姐。
小哈: Cathrine, hypothetically, if I know someone has a realtionship with
another in the lab...
凱姐: (打斷小哈) What kind of relationship?
小哈: Un, personal... affairable...
凱姐: Romantic?
小哈: O.K. Hypithetically, if I know someone has a romantic relationship with
another in the lab. Am I obligated to report them?
凱姐: Yes, to Ecklie.
小哈: But... what will happen to them then?
凱姐: Well, are they in the same shift?
小哈: Yes.
凱姐: Are they supervisor and surrogator?
小哈: No.
凱姐: Then, one of them might need to change the shift.
Go to Ecklie. Life is too short, right? (眨眼，離開)

小葛詢問拍攝記錄Jonathan播放他自製影片的大學女教授，
該教授說她是在進行她的sci-fi mytho-culture研究，
拍攝紀錄片紀錄Jonathan的拍片經過。
教授: Jonathan is playing with fire.
小葛: You really think people would kill him just because of that?
教授: Astro Quest, to some peole, is not just a TV show. It's religion.
Just like ooo xxx....(這段歷史小的一整個不熟，聽不懂)
小葛: (很顯然也不懂) Un,, could we be more perspective?
教授: I mean, people killed each other all the time for their own beliefs.
Hope you're more familiar with the situation in Middle East Asian.

烤魚跟羅賓爺爺在法醫室繼續檢視屍體，
羅賓爺爺叫大衛處裡一件事，大衛用很奇怪的嗓音回答羅賓爺爺。
羅賓爺爺: (翻白眼對烤魚說)He did it all the day.
烤魚大笑，跟羅賓爺爺解釋說大衛在模仿Astro Quest裡的一個角色，
羅賓爺爺很無奈的說他聽都沒聽過。
大衛: Because you're not a couch potato but a medicinal physiologist! Damn you!
羅賓爺爺不理他，自顧自的從死者的胃裡翻出詭異的綠色條狀物，
烤魚檢視之後認為很像影集裡出現的某種怪東西，
大衛: (大為興奮，連裝聲音都忘了) You mean lika a shafonworm? Is it real?
羅賓爺爺: (抓狂掐住大衛) You tell me!
大衛哀嚎受終於被放開，
然後才說他知道有餐廳有提供設計成那種形狀的東西在裡面的酒精飲料；
大衛: (摸著脖子) That hurt!
羅賓爺爺: Good.

囧尼於是前往該餐廳詢問服務生，
該餐廳所有的服務生都是化妝成Astro Quest裡的人物的樣子，
酒保說Jonathan前晚有跟人起衝突，
囧尼於是出示從記錄片裡擷取的影像，酒保果然認出人群裡有跟Jonathan起衝突的人；
囧尼謝過酒保後開了一些sci-fi迷的怪胎玩笑，
酒保卻很嚴肅的脫下化妝，
跟囧尼說大部分的sci0fi迷都是活在一個相信未來會更好的世界裡，
酒保: I wouldn't mind to live in such a world.
囧尼: Neither do I.

回到實驗室，Mandy跟溫蒂正在檢視囧尼他們帶回來的跡證之一，
那是一個模仿Astro Quest某一集做出來的模型器具，
小哈開開心心的晃進來，然後就跟溫蒂開心的討論起那集來，
那集是船長遇到了一群使用奴隸的外星人，
而他們控制奴隸的方法就是用溫蒂手上的那個模型頸圈來進行類似孫悟空金箍咒的功用；
小哈忍不住伸手想要碰，
溫蒂: Hey! You didn't wear a glove!
小哈: Oh, sorry.
溫蒂: Don't make me use it. (離開去做檢驗)
Mandy: When would you decide to grow up, Hodges.
小哈: Sneer if you wish. Sci-fi has nothing to do with grown-up.
Mandy: I like Sci-fi, too. It's funny to listen to they talk about those
strange and incrediablee phenomena.
小哈: Dr. Ed?
Mandy: Yeah.
小哈: That's not Sci-fi! That's fantasy!
Mandy: No, fantasy is something that you can move faster then light speed.

小哈受不了Mansy，看向溫蒂，又陷入自己的想像中；
小哈: (再次化身為艦長) I wasn't born to be slave!
溫蒂: (這次化身成外星人的奴隸) We;re assigned to do jobs.
Yours is to collect those xxxx stones.
Mine is to make sure you do collect them.
小哈: I don't want to collect anymore! (摔，坐下)
溫蒂: Rest if you wish.
小哈: What I wish is to be free!
In my planet, people are free to choose where to go, what to do, and who
to love!
溫蒂: What is love?
小哈: Love... it the most important thing to make people in connection.
溫蒂: Oh!! You mean mating. My supervisor will permit me to mate once the time
is right.
小哈: Don't you ever want to choose whom to mate yourself?(摸溫蒂的臉)
溫蒂: .... Such talk is not permitted in work place!
小哈: (拉住她) Imagine it, just to choose yourself one time...(要吻上去)
溫蒂: (驚慌動搖，頸上的項圈發出逼逼聲，電集昏迷~~)
小哈: (抱住溫蒂) No! Catherine said it would be all right!
And Ecklie will not have problem with that!!

布拔依據Riley找出的製作斬首卡通影片的地址跟姓名去找人，
找到兩個把他們的房間整個整理成跟太空船內不同樣裝潢的男子，
兩人承認製作該影片，但是否認殺人，
他們甚至說去放影片的不是他們兩個，
而是前一天晚上造成他們跟Jonathan發生衝突的同伴女子Risa，
布拔問說那哪裡可以找的到Risa，
兩個人都說Risa那天回來後相當不穩定，對他們大吼一陣就消失了。
(Risa:There is no crew! This is not a spaceship! I'm sick of your stupid game!)

溫蒂找小哈一起進行Astro Quest mini Marathon，
小哈當然很開心的答應了，
小哈: I could bring some pizza for crews.
溫蒂: Well, two is actually not a crew.
小哈: You mean, just you and me....?
溫蒂: Yeah, you, me, DVD player, and a platform TV.
小哈: In your place?
溫蒂: Yeah. What's wrong with that?
小哈: Nothing. Sound's great!

開心的小哈點起了本生燈開始做實驗，又陷入了自己的幻想。
這次是小哈跟阿奇一起在一間casban裡，
溫蒂化身成妖嬌的肚皮舞孃，阿奇則是穿的向阿拉伯人的艦長友人；
阿奇: Have you ever actually seen one?
小哈: Huh?
阿奇: I said, have you ever actually seen one?
小哈: A Tijilian Carabion? No.....
溫蒂跳著豔舞，四肢著地性感到爆錶的爬向小哈。
小哈: I'd say she would be willing to change the shift.
阿奇: Wouldn't you?
溫蒂: (挑起小哈的臉) You're on fire.
小哈: (想要親下去)
溫蒂: (切斷幻想的大吼) Hodges, you're on fire!!!

是的，本生燈燒起來了，溫蒂當機立斷的噴了滅火器，
溫蒂質問小哈到底最近在幌神什麼，
小哈慌亂的邊整理邊說他什麼都沒想，
小哈: Nothing! Ask you! Your Astro Quest geek marathoon.
I mean, here is the lab, not a Tijilian Casban!
溫蒂: What!? Are you actually to blame it on me!?
Look! If you're actually having those strange fantasy on me dressing
some weired stripped Bikini and dacing some Tijilian, good!
小哈: Good!?
溫蒂: Yes, good! It means you're still somewhat different from what people
thinking about you!
　　　But if you can't handle those fantasy, don't turn and blame on me!
小哈: There won't be next time!
溫蒂: Good! Or I think there wouldn't happen anything tonight!
小哈: Fine! Whatever!
溫蒂生氣的離去，小哈沮喪的丟手套......

好心的酒保找到了爭執當晚的女主角，帶她來找囧尼，
還送給囧尼一卷Astro Quest，囧尼謝過他。
囧尼: Look, we know you ecountered Jonathan Danthan at the night he died.
We also found some sexual activity on the commander chair.
If he assaulted you, and you fought back, it was a self-defense.
You know that?
Risa: There is no assault. I liked his show...
(回想畫面，Jonathan抓到Risa放進斬首影片，逼進Risa，)
(Jonathan: Stop trying to be something you're not. Let me free you...)
(然後兩個人就在椅子上做了...)
He took me to an incredible place. Just pure joy. I'm just me.

囧尼回頭跟Riley檢視Jonathan的手提電腦，
結果在裡面找出了大量他跟不同sci-fi化妝的女子歡愛的畫面紀錄，
(居然還有X-man裡面的魔型女喔!!! XDXD)
最後一張是他和Melinda Cover，那個資助他拍片的女子。
凱姐: It's good to be a commander.

布拔於是又找了Melinda來問話，
Melinda說他知道這些女人的存在，
說Jonathan是個真正的藝術家，她不在意他的風流，同時繼續否認殺了Jonathan。

烤魚跟Riley回到現場嘗試找出那台隱藏攝影機，
卻怎麼找也找不到，可是因為所有照片都是相同角度相同位置拍攝的，
實在不可能使人為攝影所致......

小哈在自己的實驗室裡漫不經心的檢視證物，
一邊不住的偷看對面房間的溫蒂，
然後像是被雷打到一樣，衝去找溫蒂，
小哈: I think I got it!
溫蒂: Got what?
小哈: The trace from the victim's wound!
　　　(做出靠近顯微鏡查看的動作)　Did this action remind you something?
溫蒂: Yes!(那是片頭Astro Quest經典片段中外星壞人查看船長武器的一幕)

兩人開心的打電話給烤魚，
小哈: Langstan? It's Hodges and Wendy!
　　　It;s the helm!
烤魚: What?
溫蒂: The sonsole! The targetting scanner!
烤魚循著兩人給的指示，找到了那個隱藏的場景，
按鈕一按下去，升起來的赫然就是隱藏攝影機！
而且尖角上明白的沾著血跡，還有一枚血指紋！
烤魚: Nice work, people. Seee you back on the lab.

開心的小哈和溫蒂掛了電話，
尷尬的想起兩人才剛大吵過一架。
溫蒂: Nice work.
小哈: You too, Simms.
兩人又開心又不好意思的握手言和，溫蒂離開。
站在門口一切收在眼底的亨利開口了，
亨利: Is she mad at you again? Why you two just get through it?
Just tell her how you feel!
小哈: (又陷入幻想之中，亨利是他的副艦長)
　　　Then I'd never be again to feel I'm a fool?
(之後小哈義正辭嚴的說了一堆關於實驗室規定、需要的話)
　　　Some times I wonder what it would feel to be an ordinary man.
Eating a candlelight dinner, walking together on the beach......
亨利: But you don't lik the beach! (小哈的幻想被打碎)
　　　It's understandable. Considering your complexion.

結果血指紋是那位女教授的，布拔於是找了她來問話。
原來女教授拍攝紀錄片時，發現Jonathan盜用了她的點子放在Redux裡面，
她很憤怒的去找Jonathan質疑，Jonathan不但掐住她讓她喘不過氣，
還嘲弄她叫她回去繼續搞她的理論就好......
Jonathan: 20 years in media theory. Talk about wasting the life......
結果她被鬆開後一氣之下推了Jonathan一把，
Jonathan正撞到攝影機一角死亡.....
布拔: An episodic documantary... I called is a secondary murder.

囧尼號招大家晚上一起看他剛拿到的Astro Quest，
烤魚和Riley都加入了，
溫蒂跟小哈卻都回絕了......

溫蒂看著對面實驗室裡小哈工作的身影，
登入了Astro Quest的網站，輸了小哈在片頭說的那串外星話，
經過網站的翻譯，原來小哈說的是：We were made for each other.

感慨的溫蒂陷入了幻想...
她的幻想接著小哈那個艦長跟外星人奴隸的幻想，
之前被項圈電昏的溫蒂醒了過來，跟小哈並肩坐在石頭上；
小哈:(跟艦橋聯絡上)　Any time you're ready, Ecklie.
溫蒂: You believe me now?
小哈: The lab needs me.
溫蒂: You have your own needs, and so do I.
小哈: Maybe one day our needs will come together...
　　　(要親下去的瞬間，光波傳送消失了)
溫蒂：I hope so, till then...... Someday......



本集重點:
1. 100分！我給100分！辦什麼案不是重點，重點是搞了這麼多橋段向Star Trek致敬!
身為Star Trek迷我給100分!!!
(是說讓亨利在幻想裡變成百科的話我會更開心一點!->糟，洩露年齡了嗎? XD)
(說到這，新電影還滿讓人期待的啊~~雖然艦長換人演，而且還搞前傳這套...Orz)
2. 最後閃死了!!!根本就郎有情妹有意了嘛!
有老葛跟莎拉的前例，這兩個直接衝了啦!怕什麼!
3. 小哈一定有欠編劇錢，怎樣都親不到就對了~~ XDXD

總之，這集真是太歡樂了，同樣身為Star Trek + CSI迷的話大推喔!!!


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