Re: [眼殘] 堀江的學生推銷員... - 相聲

By Susan
at 2010-03-06T00:24
at 2010-03-06T00:24
Table of Contents
※ [本文轉錄自 StupidClown 看板]
作者: leeberty (阿圾) 看板: StupidClown
標題: Re: [眼殘] 堀江的學生推銷員...
時間: Fri Mar 5 17:15:05 2010
天阿...我是被追殺了嗎
因為考112,後天考116的關係,很久沒上笨板都沒去看(話說這樣好像大家就知道我年
紀有多大,收義姊計畫要失敗了,比起沒血緣關係的妹妹,沒血緣關係的姐姐比較合我胃
口的說...)
剛剛同學才跟我說她看見我在笨板被通緝了一個禮拜
要我出來接受現實
剛看完推文我也嚇到了(因為隔了一周都還有人今天早上才推聞通緝)
還有....妹控是TZ不是我
以上。
五人合體技的事實,我想我要讓大家失望了。
並沒有甚麼可怕的劇本還是設定,只是很單純的高中時國術社的大家想要去團練,剛好
在集合點有人被男推銷員盯上,那時我是負責搬兵器的。
所以就心血來潮,把傢伙發一發(有刀槍棍劍,還有扑刀,長的有點像關刀縮小版,玩過
三國無雙4的夏侯惇應該都看過)
然後幾個人先過去跟被纏上的人打招呼,順便給兵器說"你的傢伙來了"
其他人就抄好兵器站在詐騙集團後面,一個人去拍拍他肩膀,然後等他回頭跟他打聲招呼
其實也沒甚麼特殊結果...因為我們只有很和善的打招呼,交個朋友而已(騙人的)
但是他們在那個點的人當場集體徹光,好幾天都沒看到就是了....
好像笨點不足,既然大家對我跟老妹的相處有興趣。
就讓我想起寒假時某個晚上的對話,我妹一直說應該來PO笨版,但是我一直很懶,她又
記不得對話,所以就放給它爛了。
不好笑請海涵,那時兄妹倆腦袋不但長了洞,裡面還泡滿阿摩尼亞,到現在我還是不懂
為什麼我的智商忽然降成負號。
總之是在快過年前的某個夜晚,我跟老妹睡在房間裡
(大家別亂想,因為我在外讀書,寒假回去房間讓給回台灣的姑姑一家睡,所以我老爸
架起雙層床給我屈就一下而已,我睡上層)
對話開始
我:欸,寒假過一半了耶
妹:是阿
我:2/14快到了耶
妹:是阿
我:情人節快到了耶
妹:是阿
我:初一也快到了耶
妹:你到底想說甚麼阿!!
我:你不覺得,同一天過兩個節日很有趣嗎?
妹:不會阿,只是很多人會不知道要陪情人還是去找家人親戚A紅包而已
我:所以說阿,你看,是初一,又是情人節,那為什麼不混在一起過初戀節就好了嗎?
妹:那是甚麼鬼阿!!
我:初戀節,紀念第一次戀愛的節日阿
妹:不是這樣混的啦!
我:要跟初戀情人過喔
妹:你會被全國初戀沒結果的傢伙抗議的!
我:那如果我現任的初戀女友,初戀男友卻是別人怎麼辦?
妹:不要吐自己槽好嗎!
我:阿,說到這個阿,情人節送巧克力不是所謂商人的陰謀嗎?
妹:對阿
我:那我們的初戀節是不是也要搞這種東西阿
妹:喔喔,聽起來好像可以大賺一筆
我:對阿,就像聖誕節的圍巾,中秋節的烤肉,端午節的粽子,母親節的康乃馨,還有
清明節的白饅頭跟教師節的套頭麻布袋一樣,都是代表性商品阿
妹:等等!你後面混進奇怪的東西了!怎麼看都很奇怪吧!
我:不是嗎?我記得是傳統阿?
妹:台灣未來主人翁的教育就是被你這種人搞壞的阿!!給我道歉!給我跟全國的教育家道歉!
我:所以說,你覺得初戀節應該要甚麼阿?
妹:不要無視! 還有我想應該是像巧克力那樣,味道或形象有象徵的意味在吧?
我:就像西瓜節送西瓜,還有我們學校辦的一堆那種巧克力傳情阿,琉璃傳情阿,
花語寄情阿,炸蝦傳情之類的對吧?
妹:我是知道你們學校有炸蝦節,但是真的有辦那種東西嘛!?\
我:所以....我想想..........就送.....
皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!
妹:這甚麼鬼阿!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
我:象徵初戀阿
妹:你的初戀心情到底有多扭曲阿!!
我:皮蛋哪裡不好?晶瑩剔透的蛋白,象徵著初戀的純潔
妹:你初戀感覺黑的好不純潔阿...
我:咬進嘴中澀澀的阿摩尼亞刺鼻味刺激著味蕾,象徵著初戀的激情與青澀
妹:你的激情是阿摩尼亞嗎
我:等到激情淡去後,一股清香飄出來,如同兩人一同過了那青澀的年代,邁入更
圓融的關係中
妹:這聽起來還比較像人話
我:然後最後吃到雖然好吃,但外型像爛泥巴的蛋黃部分,象徵著初戀都沒好結果
妹:不要在初戀節觸人霉頭阿你這白癡!!!!
我:還能振興小雜貨店的生意,向全世界推廣我們的傳統美食,一舉數得,文建會都該搬
給我獎杯了
妹:推廣的了有鬼阿!給我想正常一點的!
我:那隨便...就蘋果派好了~
妹:好...好正常,好不像你阿,不過為什麼是蘋果派?
我:剛剛看到藍藍路廣告,有點餓了
妹:完全沒有邏輯性的理由阿!
我:搞不好當年推出情人節送巧克力傳統的商人也只是忽然想吃巧克力而已阿
妹:可是,至少要有點哽阿,要有個推廣出去的哽
我:梗喔............................那南瓜派好了
妹:不是那個梗!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
我:對齁,蘋果的雖然細了點,但也是有
妹:就說不是了!!!
我:阿...那就皮蛋派好了
妹:你到底對皮蛋有多堅持阿!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
我:不然混在一起,用參了南瓜的皮,蘋果餡料,烤好之後上面灑滿皮蛋
妹:聽起來好像真的辦的到...
我:可以讓北方來的一個帶著黑黑粗粗長長硬硬,上面還一堆星星的棍子的特級麵點師
讚不絕口喔,順帶一提他的專長是倒立轉圈圈去做桿麵棍就能做到的事情,你認識
這個人嗎?
妹:誰不認識阿!!!!!!!!!!!
我:所以初戀節代表食物就決定是這個了
妹:等等!根本沒初戀節這東西阿!
我:........你現在才想到要吐槽這個阿
妹:算了...睡你的覺啦
我:喔....晚安
妹:晚安
"對了....其實我晚餐時候忽然好想吃皮蛋喔"
"你鋪了那麼久的劇情就是為了在半夜兩點跟我說你想吃皮蛋嗎!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
--
作者: leeberty (阿圾) 看板: StupidClown
標題: Re: [眼殘] 堀江的學生推銷員...
時間: Fri Mar 5 17:15:05 2010
天阿...我是被追殺了嗎
因為考112,後天考116的關係,很久沒上笨板都沒去看(話說這樣好像大家就知道我年
紀有多大,收義姊計畫要失敗了,比起沒血緣關係的妹妹,沒血緣關係的姐姐比較合我胃
口的說...)
剛剛同學才跟我說她看見我在笨板被通緝了一個禮拜
要我出來接受現實
剛看完推文我也嚇到了(因為隔了一周都還有人今天早上才推聞通緝)
還有....妹控是TZ不是我
以上。
五人合體技的事實,我想我要讓大家失望了。
並沒有甚麼可怕的劇本還是設定,只是很單純的高中時國術社的大家想要去團練,剛好
在集合點有人被男推銷員盯上,那時我是負責搬兵器的。
所以就心血來潮,把傢伙發一發(有刀槍棍劍,還有扑刀,長的有點像關刀縮小版,玩過
三國無雙4的夏侯惇應該都看過)
然後幾個人先過去跟被纏上的人打招呼,順便給兵器說"你的傢伙來了"
其他人就抄好兵器站在詐騙集團後面,一個人去拍拍他肩膀,然後等他回頭跟他打聲招呼
其實也沒甚麼特殊結果...因為我們只有很和善的打招呼,交個朋友而已(騙人的)
但是他們在那個點的人當場集體徹光,好幾天都沒看到就是了....
好像笨點不足,既然大家對我跟老妹的相處有興趣。
就讓我想起寒假時某個晚上的對話,我妹一直說應該來PO笨版,但是我一直很懶,她又
記不得對話,所以就放給它爛了。
不好笑請海涵,那時兄妹倆腦袋不但長了洞,裡面還泡滿阿摩尼亞,到現在我還是不懂
為什麼我的智商忽然降成負號。
總之是在快過年前的某個夜晚,我跟老妹睡在房間裡
(大家別亂想,因為我在外讀書,寒假回去房間讓給回台灣的姑姑一家睡,所以我老爸
架起雙層床給我屈就一下而已,我睡上層)
對話開始
我:欸,寒假過一半了耶
妹:是阿
我:2/14快到了耶
妹:是阿
我:情人節快到了耶
妹:是阿
我:初一也快到了耶
妹:你到底想說甚麼阿!!
我:你不覺得,同一天過兩個節日很有趣嗎?
妹:不會阿,只是很多人會不知道要陪情人還是去找家人親戚A紅包而已
我:所以說阿,你看,是初一,又是情人節,那為什麼不混在一起過初戀節就好了嗎?
妹:那是甚麼鬼阿!!
我:初戀節,紀念第一次戀愛的節日阿
妹:不是這樣混的啦!
我:要跟初戀情人過喔
妹:你會被全國初戀沒結果的傢伙抗議的!
我:那如果我現任的初戀女友,初戀男友卻是別人怎麼辦?
妹:不要吐自己槽好嗎!
我:阿,說到這個阿,情人節送巧克力不是所謂商人的陰謀嗎?
妹:對阿
我:那我們的初戀節是不是也要搞這種東西阿
妹:喔喔,聽起來好像可以大賺一筆
我:對阿,就像聖誕節的圍巾,中秋節的烤肉,端午節的粽子,母親節的康乃馨,還有
清明節的白饅頭跟教師節的套頭麻布袋一樣,都是代表性商品阿
妹:等等!你後面混進奇怪的東西了!怎麼看都很奇怪吧!
我:不是嗎?我記得是傳統阿?
妹:台灣未來主人翁的教育就是被你這種人搞壞的阿!!給我道歉!給我跟全國的教育家道歉!
我:所以說,你覺得初戀節應該要甚麼阿?
妹:不要無視! 還有我想應該是像巧克力那樣,味道或形象有象徵的意味在吧?
我:就像西瓜節送西瓜,還有我們學校辦的一堆那種巧克力傳情阿,琉璃傳情阿,
花語寄情阿,炸蝦傳情之類的對吧?
妹:我是知道你們學校有炸蝦節,但是真的有辦那種東西嘛!?\
我:所以....我想想..........就送.....
皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!皮蛋吧!
妹:這甚麼鬼阿!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
我:象徵初戀阿
妹:你的初戀心情到底有多扭曲阿!!
我:皮蛋哪裡不好?晶瑩剔透的蛋白,象徵著初戀的純潔
妹:你初戀感覺黑的好不純潔阿...
我:咬進嘴中澀澀的阿摩尼亞刺鼻味刺激著味蕾,象徵著初戀的激情與青澀
妹:你的激情是阿摩尼亞嗎
我:等到激情淡去後,一股清香飄出來,如同兩人一同過了那青澀的年代,邁入更
圓融的關係中
妹:這聽起來還比較像人話
我:然後最後吃到雖然好吃,但外型像爛泥巴的蛋黃部分,象徵著初戀都沒好結果
妹:不要在初戀節觸人霉頭阿你這白癡!!!!
我:還能振興小雜貨店的生意,向全世界推廣我們的傳統美食,一舉數得,文建會都該搬
給我獎杯了
妹:推廣的了有鬼阿!給我想正常一點的!
我:那隨便...就蘋果派好了~
妹:好...好正常,好不像你阿,不過為什麼是蘋果派?
我:剛剛看到藍藍路廣告,有點餓了
妹:完全沒有邏輯性的理由阿!
我:搞不好當年推出情人節送巧克力傳統的商人也只是忽然想吃巧克力而已阿
妹:可是,至少要有點哽阿,要有個推廣出去的哽
我:梗喔............................那南瓜派好了
妹:不是那個梗!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
我:對齁,蘋果的雖然細了點,但也是有
妹:就說不是了!!!
我:阿...那就皮蛋派好了
妹:你到底對皮蛋有多堅持阿!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
我:不然混在一起,用參了南瓜的皮,蘋果餡料,烤好之後上面灑滿皮蛋
妹:聽起來好像真的辦的到...
我:可以讓北方來的一個帶著黑黑粗粗長長硬硬,上面還一堆星星的棍子的特級麵點師
讚不絕口喔,順帶一提他的專長是倒立轉圈圈去做桿麵棍就能做到的事情,你認識
這個人嗎?
妹:誰不認識阿!!!!!!!!!!!
我:所以初戀節代表食物就決定是這個了
妹:等等!根本沒初戀節這東西阿!
我:........你現在才想到要吐槽這個阿
妹:算了...睡你的覺啦
我:喔....晚安
妹:晚安
"對了....其實我晚餐時候忽然好想吃皮蛋喔"
"你鋪了那麼久的劇情就是為了在半夜兩點跟我說你想吃皮蛋嗎!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
--
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