111- part 03
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey,
Chandler and his mom are there.]
Mrs. Bing: I am famished. What do I want... (Looks at Chandler's menu)
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Ross: (Entering) What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place.
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug.
(They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
Chandler: I know I am.
Mrs. Bing: Who's doing shots?
Monica: Yeah.
Phoebe: I'm in.
Mrs. Bing: There y'go. Ross?
Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
Rachel: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just,
y'know, lost track of time.
Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot)
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk.
He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything?
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand)
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you,
I've read everything you've ever written.
No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight,
all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can.
You just start with half a dozen European cities,
throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam!
You have got yourself a book.
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
Mrs. Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226?
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Mrs. Bing: You okay there, slugger?
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
(A woman emerges from the toilet behind him
and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs. Bing: What is with you tonight?
Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you.
(To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you.
Ross: You're good.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me.
I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men
that women fall in love with.
Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo.
People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo.
C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know,
complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: When?
Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is.
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No, it's you!
Ross: Please.
Mrs. Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy...
Ross: Right.
Mrs. Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me.
(She kisses him on the cheek)
Ross: Uh-oh...
(...Then full on the mouth)
(Enter Joey)
Joey: Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street.
Commercial Break
--
[Scene: A Mexican Restaurant, Monica, Phoebe, Joey,
Chandler and his mom are there.]
Mrs. Bing: I am famished. What do I want... (Looks at Chandler's menu)
Chandler: Please God don't let it be Kung Pow Chicken.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, you watched the show! What'd you think?
Chandler: Well, I think you need to come out of your shell just a little.
Ross: (Entering) What is this dive? Only you could've picked this place.
Mrs. Bing: Oooh, c'mon, shut up, it's fun. Gimme a hug.
(They both sit down) Well, I think we're ready for some tequila.
Chandler: I know I am.
Mrs. Bing: Who's doing shots?
Monica: Yeah.
Phoebe: I'm in.
Mrs. Bing: There y'go. Ross?
Ross: Uh, I'm not really a shot drinking kinda guy.
(Enter Rachel and Paolo. They are both somewhat flustered)
Rachel: Hi! Sorry- sorry we're late, we, uh, kinda just,
y'know, lost track of time.
Ross: ...But a man can change. (Downs a shot)
[Time lapse. Ross is now clearly drunk.
He is holding up a shot glass to his eye like a jeweller's eye.]
Ross: Anyone want me to appraise anything?
(Rachel feeds something to Paolo. He eats it and licks her hand)
Rachel: Mrs. Bing, I have to tell you,
I've read everything you've ever written.
No, I mean it! I mean, when I read Euphoria at Midnight,
all I wanted to do was become a writer.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, please, honey, listen, if I can do it, anybody can.
You just start with half a dozen European cities,
throw in thirty euphemisms for male genitalia, and bam!
You have got yourself a book.
Chandler: Myyy mother, ladies and gentlemen.
[Cut to Mrs. Bing on the telephone.]
Mrs. Bing: Yeah, any messages for room 226?
(Ross emerges from a toilet marked 'Chicas')
Mrs. Bing: You okay there, slugger?
Ross: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine.
(A woman emerges from the toilet behind him
and he tries to pretend he was in the other one)
Mrs. Bing: What is with you tonight?
Ross: Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing.
Mrs. Bing: (To phone) Okay, thank you.
(To Ross) It's the Italian Hand-Licker, isn't it.
Ross: No. It's the one he's licking.
Mrs. Bing: She's supposed to be with you.
Ross: You're good.
Mrs. Bing: Oh, Ross, listen to me.
I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and y'know why?
Ross: The girl on the cover with her nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No. Because I know how to write men
that women fall in love with.
Believe me, I cannot sell a Paolo.
People will not turn three hundred twenty-five pages for a Paolo.
C'mon, the guy's a secondary character, a, y'know,
complication you eventually kill off.
Ross: When?
Mrs. Bing: He's not a hero. ...You know who our hero is.
Ross: The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
Mrs. Bing: No, it's you!
Ross: Please.
Mrs. Bing: No, really, c'mon. You're smart, you're sexy...
Ross: Right.
Mrs. Bing: You are gonna be fine, believe me.
(She kisses him on the cheek)
Ross: Uh-oh...
(...Then full on the mouth)
(Enter Joey)
Joey: Uhhhh.... I'll just pee in the street.
Commercial Break
--
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