115-part 02 - 六人行

Part 2

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler walks in, wearing a suit.]

Chandler: Can you see my nipples through this shirt?

Rachel: No. But don't worry, I'm sure they're still there.

Phoebe: Where are you going, Mr. Suity-Man?

Chandler: Well, I have an appointment to see Dr. Robert Pillman,
career counselor a-gogo. (pause) I added the "a-gogo."

Rachel: Career counselor?

Chandler: Hey, you guys all know what you want to do.

Rachel: I don't!

Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do.
You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.

Ross: Ah, the lesser-known "I don't have a dream" speech.

(Monica enters, excited.)

Monica: Oh, I love my life, I love my life!

Phoebe: Ooh! Brian's Song!

Rachel: The meeting with the guy went great?

Monica: So great! He showed me where the restaurant's going to be.
It's this, it's this cute little place on 10th Street.
Not too big, not too small. Just right.

Chandler: Was it formerly owned by a blonde woman and some bears?

Monica: So anyway, I'm cooking dinner for him Monday night.
You know, kind of like an audition.
And Phoebe, he really wants you to be here,
which will be great for me because then you can 'ooh' and 'ahh'
and make yummy noises.

Rachel: What are you going to make?

Phoebe: (as though Rachel wasn't paying attention) Yummy noises.

Rachel: (pause) And Monica, what are you going to make?

Monica: I don't know. I don't know. It's just going to be so great!

Phoebe: Ooh! I know what you could make!
(runs over to join Monica and Rachel in the kitchen)
I know! Oh, you should definitely make that thing... you know,
with the stuff? (Monica doesn't know.) You know, that thing...
with the stuff...? OK, I don't know. (sits down)

Ross: Hey guys, does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?

Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a 32-ounce steak, it's free.

Ross: OK, ahem, hey, does anybody know a good place
if you're not dating a puma?

Chandler: Who are you going out with?

Phoebe: Oh, is this the bug lady?

Rachel: (trying to sound like a bug) Bzzzz.... I love you, Ross.

Ross: Her name is Celia. She's not a bug lady.
She's curator of insects at the museum.

Rachel: So what are you guys going to do?

Ross: Oh, I just thought we could go out to dinner,
and then maybe bring her back to my place
and I'd introduce her to my monkey.

Chandler: And he's not speaking metaphorically.

Joey: (aside to Ross) So.... back to your place...you thinking, maybe...
(gestures with hands, back and forth) huh-huh?

Ross: Well, I don't know.... (gestures) huh-huh....
but I'm hoping (gestures) huh-huh.

Joey: I'm telling you, that monkey is a chick magnet!
She's going to take one look at his furry, cute little face
and it'll seal the deal.

[Scene: Ross's apartment, Marcel is hanging from Celia's hair,
and she is screaming, trying to get him off.]

Ross: Celia, don't worry! Don't scream! He's not going to hurt you!
Soothing tones, Celia. Soothing tones! Marcel...

Celia: I can't stand this! He's got his claws in my...

Ross: Alright... (lifts Marcel away)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, everyone is there but Ross and Chandler.
Monica is making food, and having everyone try it.]

Monica: (to Joey) OK, try this salmon mousse.

Joey: (tasting) Mmmm. Good.

Monica: Is it better than the other salmon mousse?

Joey: It's creamier.

Monica: Yeah, well, is that better?

Joey: I don't know. We're talking about whipped fish, Monica.
I'm just happy I'm keeping it down, y'know?

(Chandler kicks the door closed, angrily.
His clothes are askew, he looks beat.)

Rachel: My God! What happened to you?

Chandler: Eight and a half hours of aptitude tests, intelligence tests,
personality tests... and what do I learn?
(he taps the results and reads them)
"You are ideally suited for a career in data processing
for a large multinational corporation."

Phoebe: That's so great! 'Cause you already know how to do that!

Chandler: Can you believe it?
I mean, don't I seem like somebody who should be doing
something really cool?
You know, I just always pictured myself doing something...something.

Rachel: (comes up and rubs him on the chest)
Oh Chandler, I know, I know... oh, hey!
You can see your nipples through this shirt!

Monica: (brings a plate of tiny appetizers over)
Here you go, maybe this'll cheer you up.

Chandler: Ooh, you know, I had a grape about five hours ago,
so I'd better split this with you.

Monica: It's supposed to be that small. It's a pre-appetizer.
The French call it an amouz-bouche.

Chandler: (tastes it) Well.... it is amouz-ing...

(Phone rings. Monica answers it.)

Monica: (on phone) Hello? (Listens) Oh, hi Wendy!
(Listens) Yeah, eight o'clock. (Listens) What did we say?
Ten dollars an hour?... (Listens) OK, great.
(Listens) All right, I'll see you then. Bye. (hangs up)

Phoebe: Ten dollars an hour for what?

Monica: Oh, I asked one of the waitresses at work if she'd help me out.

Rachel: (hurt) Waitressing?

Joey: Uh-oh.

Monica: Well... of course I thought of you! But... but...

Rachel: But, but?

Monica: But, you see, it's just...
this night has to go just perfect, you know?
And, well, Wendy's more of a... professional waitress.

Rachel: Oh! I see. And I've sort of been maintaining my amateur status
so that I can waitress in the Olympics.

Chandler: You know, I don't mean to brag,
but I waited tables at Innsbruck in '76.
(dead silence) Amouz-bouche? (holds out tray)

[Scene: Ross' apartment, Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon
(the original, not that cruddy Urge Overkill version) is playing.
Ross and Celia are kissing passionately.]

Celia: Talk to me.

Ross: OK.... um, a weird thing happened to me on the train this morning...

Celia: No no no. Talk... dirty.

Ross: (embarrassed) Wha... what, here?

Celia: Yes...

Ross: Ah....

Celia: Say something..... hot.

Ross: (panicked) Er.... um.....

Celia: What?

Ross: Um... uh.... vulva.

Commercial Break

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