119-part 04 - 六人行

[Scene: Everyone in the hall outside Mr. Heckles' door.
Ross is carrying the box of bananas. He bangs on the door.]

Phoebe: Oh, this is so intense.
One side of my butt is totally asleep,
and the other side has no idea.

(Mr. Heckles opens the door)

Ross: Hi, did you order some bananas?

Mr. Heckles: What about it?

Ross: Gimme back my monkey.

Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.

Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas?

Mr. Heckles: Potassium.

(There is a monkey-like noise from within
and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)

Ross: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel? Marcel?

(Marcel jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps)

Ross: Marcel! What've you done to him?

Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey. That's Patti, Patti the monkey.

Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to go to him)

Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Marcel turns round)

Ross: C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross)

Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Turns to Mr. Heckles)

Luisa: (Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey!
(Marcel runs to the door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut)
Gotcha.

Ross: Okay, gimme my monkey back.

Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey.

Luisa: You're both gonna have to take this up with the judge.

Mr. Heckles: That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine,
you can send that back whenever.

Ross: Alright, I want my monkey.

Luisa: No!

Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Luisa!

Luisa: Sorry, prom queen.

Ross: (To Rachel) You had to be a bitch in high school,
you couldn't've been fat.

Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen
and I was the homecoming queen and the class president
and you... were also there!
But if you take this monkey,
I will lose one of the most important people in my life.
You can hate me if you want, but please do not punish him.
C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger person here!
Take it!

Luisa: Nope.

Rachel: Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor,
and I tell her that you shot my friend in the ass with a dart?

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there.
Ross is trying to get the dress off Marcel.]

Ross: It'll be nice to get this off finally, won't it?
Yes it will. (Marcel resists)
Or we can leave it on for now, that's fine.

Rachel: Y'know, with the right pair of pumps,
that would be a great little outfit.

Ross: Listen, I'm- I'm sorry I was so hard on you before, it's just I...

Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...

Ross: Yeah, but you were the one who got him back, y'know?
You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still have that,
uh, that bottle of wine. You in the mood for, uh, something grape?

Rachel: That'd be good.

Ross: Alright. (He goes to get the glasses.
Then he hesitates and turns off the main light.
Rachel looks round and he acts surprised)
The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming.
(He sits down and starts to pour the wine)
Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject,
I was thinking about, uh, how mad we got at each other before,
and, um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um...

(Barry bursts in)

Barry: Rachel.

Rachel: Barry?!

Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy.
I think I'm still in love with you.

Ross and Rachel: Oh!

Ross: We have got to start locking that door!

Closing Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler
are looking through Monica's high school yearbook]

Monica: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the von Trapp kids?

Phoebe: Nope.

Monica: That's because I'm in front of them.

Chandler: Eh. I thought that was an alp.

Monica: Well, high school was not my favourite time.

Joey: I dunno, I loved high school. Y'know?
It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.

Chandler: Yeah, well I went to boarding school with four hundred boys.
Any sex I had would've involved a major lifestyle choice.

Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?

Phoebe: Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up and starts to dance around)
Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!

End

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