麥可貝選美國副總統？ 川普找《變形金剛》 - 電影

台媒可能不知道，這是New Yorker兩週之前刊出的文章，而且是刊載在一個叫做

Daily Shouts的幽默專欄。網址：http://tinyurl.com/htmap8k


內文：

Donald Trump’s Vice-- Presidential short list was recently narrowed down to
one unlikely name: the blockbuster-movie director Michael Bay. Trump is
reported to have spent between two and a half and three hours, with bathroom
breaks, interviewing the filmmaker behind Pearl Harbor,” “Armageddon,”
“The Rock,” and the “Transformers”? franchise ?before making his final
decision.

川普的副總統人選名單最近限縮至一個令人意外的名字：麥可貝。

據聞川普在會議的廁所休息時間中，花了2.5到3個小時徵詢麥可貝的意願。


“The role I see for Michael in my Administration is, ah, it’s very
off-the-map, out-of-this-world, out-of-this-universe, really,” Trump said in
an exclusive interview. “At first I saw him in a different role, maybe in my
Cabinet, maybe as my Secretary of Visual Effects. But then I thought, why not
V.P.? I considered some other public figures, too, like Oprah, but my gut
told me to go with a director.”

川普表示：他想賦予麥可貝的工作是不存在於這宇宙、非常有前瞻性的，

原本川普想讓他當政府的特效部長，但又覺得，當副總統也不錯呀。

他考慮過歐普拉等人，但最後直覺告訴他，還是導演好。


Trump, who rented a theatre in Iowa to screen Bay’s feature “13 Hours,”
earlier this year, said it was the Benghazi- -themed thriller that ultimately
convinced him to offer Bay the tie-- breaking vote in the Senate. “He’d of
course be helpful to me in taking out Crooked Hillary, but what I’m really
excited about is how he’s going to change the way the world sees America. As
we all know, he sees things in a completely different way than the rest of us,
” Trump said, poking at a globe on his desk, “and I think he’s really
going to blow you, and me, and all of us away, totally away.”


川普租了一間戲院播放《13小時：班加西的秘密士兵》，深受啟發，

覺得麥可貝可以幫他打敗邪惡希拉蕊，

但他覺得最厲害的是，麥可貝可以讓世界改變看待美國的方式，

因為他總是用和我們不同的眼光看待所有事物。


「我覺得，他真的會把你、把我、把我們所有人都炸翻天。」


Trump, who in an April interview with the New York Times outlined a
foreign-policy doctrine of total unpredictability, then pointed to three
locations where isis can expect to get “totally fired” while he “takes out
the oil” from Iraq. “Michael filmed an asteroid on a collision course with
Earth, so, with the help of Industrial Light and Magic, I think he could set
up this Iraq sequence for me in a pretty great, a pretty tremendous way. He
loves those fast cuts that keep you on your toes, not knowing what comes
next, and that’s how we’ll keep the world on its toes, regarding things we
may or may not blow up at places and times only we will know about. America
will once again be a narrative force in the world.”


有了ILM特效公司和麥可貝的幫助，

美國又會再度進軍中東，靠著盛大的動作場面與快速剪接成為世界強權。


“There will be bomb shots,” Bay chimed in, over Skype.


麥可貝透過Skype表示，當然會有爆炸鏡頭啦。


“Not one but two of Michael’s films are in the Criterion Collection, which
means he’s a very nice, a very gifted guy,” Trump continued. “I think he
will also be helpful with any scenarios in which America is threatened, or in
which we’re looking like a country of losers. A lot of the world thinks the
U.S. is a big sissy—too weak, too easy to disrespect and walk out on, like
an Ang Lee or a Jane Campion movie. From what I’ve heard, neither of those
two directors are in favor of scenes of annihilation. We have to sell America
to the world again, and Michael is the worldly American man to do it,” Trump
said, of the director of three Meat Loaf music videos.


川普說，許多人覺得美國人超弱的，隨便就能踩在腳底下，就像李安或珍康萍的電影，

因為他們都不喜歡拍攝那些描述殲滅行動的情節，但麥可貝可不一樣。


When advisers suggested that he instead portray himself as more restrained
than Hillary Clinton, Trump exploded. “You’re saying Michael doesn’t have
range, that he’s a bad, one- -note filmmaker, which I think is a very
unfair, very nasty thing to say! He also has sensitivity. I think you’d be
surprised what a sensitive, brave guy he is. As am I. We can do love stories—
like a love story between America and Russia. I can pull some strings and
make that happen. Maybe we’ll get Ben Affleck in, too, get him and Matt
Damon and all of them in here as a team and launch, or maybe not launch, a
nuke at someone, who exactly that is I’ll work out later. No spoilers!”


川普表示，麥可是個勇敢又敏銳纖細的導演，

有了麥可貝，他們可以一起拍愛情電影，像是美國和俄羅斯之間的愛情故事，

說不定還可以找班艾佛列克和麥特戴蒙來演出，

讓他們的團隊發射個核彈什麼的，但不能再講下去了，會劇透啦！


Other prominent Hollywood figures, including Steven Spielberg, Peter Jackson,
and James Cameron, had already refused Trump’s offer.


最後，史帝芬史匹伯、彼得傑克森、詹姆斯卡麥隆都已經婉拒了川普的邀請。



嗯......所以大家覺得這「新聞」是認真的嗎？



--
30秒說完Thanos的求愛史：

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的人，所以我決定選Adam Warlock啦。」

--