101-part 04 - 六人行

101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate
(The Pilot-The Uncut Version) - Part 04

[Scene: Ross's Apartment; Ross is pacing while Joey and Chandler
are working on some more furniture.]

Ross: I'm divorced! I'm only 26 and I'm divorced!

Joey: Shut up!

Chandler: You must stop!
(Chandler hits what he is working on
with a hammer and it collapses.)

Ross: That only took me an hour.

Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had
a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento.
You, however have had the love of a woman for four years.
Four years of closeness and sharing at the end of which
she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it!
I don't think that was my point!

Ross: You know what the scariest part is?
What if there's only one woman for everybody, y'know?
I mean what if you get one woman- and that's it?
Unfortunately in my case, there was only one woman- for her...

Joey: What are you talking about? 'One woman'?
That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you.
Lemme tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there.
There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla.
You could get 'em with Jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream!
This is the best thing that ever happened to you!
You got married, you were, like, what, eight?
Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!

Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.

Chandler: Stay out of my freezer!

[Scene: A Restaurant, Monica and Paul are still eating.]

Paul: Ever since she walked out on me, I, uh...

Monica: What?..... What, you wanna spell it out with noodles?

Paul: No, it's, it's more of a fifth date kinda revelation.

Monica: Oh, so there is gonna be a fifth date?

Paul: Isn't there?

Monica: Yeah... yeah, I think there is. -What were you gonna say?

Paul: Well, ever-ev-... ever since she left me, um,
I haven't been able to, uh, perform.
(Monica takes a sip of her drink.) ...Sexually.

Monica: (spitting out her drink in shock)
Oh God, oh God, I am sorry... I am so sorry...

Paul: It's okay...

Monica: I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.
Um... how long?

Paul: Two years.

Monica: Wow! I'm-I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!

Paul: So you still think you, um... might want that fifth date?

Monica: (pause)...Yeah. Yeah, I do.

[Scene: Monica's Apartment, Rachel is watching Joanne Loves Chaci.]

Priest on TV: We are gathered here today to join
Joanne Louise Cunningham and Charles,
Chachi-Chachi-Chachi, Arcola in the bound of holy matrimony.

Rachel: Oh...see... but Joanne loved Chachi! That's the difference!

[Scene: Ross's Apartment, they're all sitting around and talking.]

Ross: (scornful) Grab a spoon. Do you know how long it's been
since I've grabbed a spoon?
Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?

Joey: Great story! But, I uh, I gotta go,
I got a date with Andrea--Angela--Andrea...
Oh man, (looks to Chandler)

Chandler: Angela's the screamer, Andrea has cats.

Joey: Right. Thanks. It's June. I'm outta here. (Exits.)

Ross: Y'know, here's the thing. Even if I could get it together enough
to- to ask a woman out,... who am I gonna ask?
(He gazes out of the window.)

[Cut to Rachel staring out of her window.]

Commercial Break

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