111-part 02 - 六人行

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's,
Monica and Phoebe are telling everyone about their coma guy.]

Chandler: Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?

Monica: He doesn't have anyone.

Phoebe: Yeah, we-we feel kinda responsible.

Joey: I can't believe you said woowoo. I don't even say woowoo.

Rachel: Oh, she's coming up! She's coming up! (Turns on the TV)

Jay Leno: (on TV) Folks, when we come back
we'll be talking about her new book, 'Euphoria Unbound':
the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing.
You might wanna put the kids to bed for this one.

(Everyone has settled down to watch, except Chandler)

Chandler: Y'know, we don't have to watch this.
Weekend At Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax.

Rachel: No way, forget it.

Joey: C'mon, she's your mom!

Chandler: Exactly. Weekend At Bernie's!
Dead guy getting hit in the groin twenty, thirty times! No?

Rachel: Chandler, I gotta tell you, I love your mom's books!
I love her books! I cannot get on a plane without one!
I mean, this is so cool!

Chandler: Yeah, well, you wouldn't think it was cool
if you're eleven years old and all your friends
are passing around page 79 of 'Mistress Bitch.'

Ross: C'mon, Chandler, I love your mom. I think she's a blast.

Chandler: You can say that because she's not your mom.

Ross: Oh, please...

(Rachel opens the door to Paolo)

Paolo: Bona sera.

Rachel: Oh, hi sweetie. (They kiss)

Ross: When did Rigatoni get back from Rome?

Monica: Last night.

Ross: Ah, so then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?...
Just a dream I had- but, phew.

Phoebe: Hey hey hey! She's on!

Paolo: Ah! Nora Bing!

Jay Leno: (on TV) ...Now what is this about you-
you being arrested i-in London? What is that all about?

Phoebe: Your mom was arrested?

Chandler: Shhh, busy beaming with pride.

Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...This is kind of embarrassing,
but occasionally after I've been intimate with a man...

Chandler: Now why would she say that's embarrassing?

All: Shhh.

Mrs. Bing: (on TV) ...I just get this craving for Kung Pow Chicken.

Chandler: THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!

Jay Leno: (on TV) Alright, so now you're doing this whole book tour thing,
how is that going?

Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh, fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow,
which I hate- but I get to see my son, who I love...

All: Awww!

Chandler: This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone.

Jay Leno: (on TV) Y'know, don't take this wrong,
I-I just don't see you a-as a mom, somehow..
I don't mean that, I don't mean that bad...

Mrs. Bing: (on TV) Oh no, I am a fabulous mom!
I bought my son his first condoms.

(The gang turn to look at Chandler)

Chandler: ...And then he burst into flames.

[Scene: The Hospital, it's a montage of Monica and Phoebe's visit
to the hospital with My Guy playing in the background.
It starts with Monica reading a newspaper to him.]

Monica: Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit reduction bill...
the mayor wants to raise subway fares again...
the high today was forty-five... and- oh, teams played sports.

[Next is a shot of them dragging an enormous plant into the room,
then Monica knitting a sweater, then Phoebe singing,
then Phoebe shaving him and chatting to Monica]

Phoebe: What about Glen? He could be a Glen.

Monica: Nah... not-not special enough.

Phoebe: Ooh! How about Agamemnon?

Monica: Waaay too special.

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