114-part 01 - 六人行

114 The One With the Candy Hearts -Part-01

[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter,
and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her.
No pun intended. I mean it.]

Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.

Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.

Chandler: Any contact?

Ross: She lent me an egg once.

Joey: You're in!

Ross: Aw, right.

Woman: Hi, Ross.

Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)

Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok?
The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian—
I don't think we need a third...

Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.

Ross: An egg?

Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say,
"Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."

Chandler: I think it's winning.

Ross: I think it's insane.

Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.

(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)

Joey: Think it'll work?

Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.

Opening Credits

[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there.
Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]

Monica: You can not do this.

Rachel: Do what, do what?

Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.

Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?

Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright,
still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!

Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year.
I know I do.

Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?

Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.

Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...

Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me.
The only reason she's goin' out with me is
because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.

Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...

Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy,
she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching!
(Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.)
Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice.
You're doin' this.

Ross: Hi. She said yes.

Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man!
(Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.)
Still got the egg, huh?

[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there,
waiting for their dates to show up.]

Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?

Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up)
Ok, now, remember, no trading.
You get the pretty one, I get the mess.

Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.

Chandler: ...And what did you bring?

Lorraine: She's checking the coats.
Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands.
Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.

Chandler: Janice?

(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say,
'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)

Janice: Oh.... my.... God.

Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice.

[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]

Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.

Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever
to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.

Chandler: Calm down? Calm down?
You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice
in the last five months!

Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'?
You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.

Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right.
(gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear)
Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!


--