114 The One With the Candy Hearts -Part-01
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter,
and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her.
No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Chandler: Any contact?
Ross: She lent me an egg once.
Joey: You're in!
Ross: Aw, right.
Woman: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok?
The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian—
I don't think we need a third...
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Ross: An egg?
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say,
"Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Chandler: I think it's winning.
Ross: I think it's insane.
Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
Joey: Think it'll work?
Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there.
Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Monica: You can not do this.
Rachel: Do what, do what?
Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.
Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright,
still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year.
I know I do.
Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?
Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.
Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me.
The only reason she's goin' out with me is
because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy,
she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching!
(Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.)
Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice.
You're doin' this.
Ross: Hi. She said yes.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man!
(Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.)
Still got the egg, huh?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there,
waiting for their dates to show up.]
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up)
Ok, now, remember, no trading.
You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.
Chandler: ...And what did you bring?
Lorraine: She's checking the coats.
Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands.
Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler: Janice?
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say,
'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
Janice: Oh.... my.... God.
Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice.
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever
to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down?
You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice
in the last five months!
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'?
You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right.
(gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear)
Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
--
[Scene: Central Perk, Ross is eyeing a beautiful woman at the counter,
and Joey and Chandler are egging him on to go talk to her.
No pun intended. I mean it.]
Joey: I'm tellin' you Ross, she wants you.
Ross: She barely knows me. We just live in the same building.
Chandler: Any contact?
Ross: She lent me an egg once.
Joey: You're in!
Ross: Aw, right.
Woman: Hi, Ross.
Ross: Hey. (stutters something incoherent)
Chandler: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, ok?
The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife is a lesbian—
I don't think we need a third...
Joey: Excuse me, could we get an egg over here, still in the shell? Thanks.
Ross: An egg?
Joey: Yeah, you're gonna go up to her and say,
"Here's your egg back, I'm returning your egg."
Chandler: I think it's winning.
Ross: I think it's insane.
Chandler: She'll love it. Go with the egg, my friend.
(Ross walks over to the woman, egg in hand.)
Joey: Think it'll work?
Chandler: No, it's suicide. The man's got an egg.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central Perk, Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler are there.
Ross is still talking to the beautiful woman.]
Monica: You can not do this.
Rachel: Do what, do what?
Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.
Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... alright,
still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Monica: But Phoebe, you can go out with a creepy guy any night of the year.
I know I do.
Rachel: Well, what are you guys doing tomorrow night?
Joey: Actually, tomorrow night kinda depends on how tonight goes.
Chandler: Oh, uh, listen, about tonight...
Joey: No, no, no, don't you dare bail on me.
The only reason she's goin' out with me is
because I said I could bring a friend for her friend.
Chandler: Yes, I know, but her friend sounds like such a...
Joey: Pathetic mess? I know, but—come on, man, she's needy,
she's vulnerable. I'm thinkin', cha-ching!
(Rachel throws a roll at Joey. He picks it up and eats it.)
Thanks. Look, you have not been out with a woman since Janice.
You're doin' this.
Ross: Hi. She said yes.
Chandler: Yes! Way to go, man!
(Chandler and Ross hug. Something crunches in Ross' shirt pocket.)
Still got the egg, huh?
[Scene: A Restaurant, Joey and Chandler are there,
waiting for their dates to show up.]
Joey: (Looking at himself in the reflection on a knife) How do I look?
Chandler: Oh, uh, I... don't... care. (Joey's date shows up)
Ok, now, remember, no trading.
You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Lorraine: Hi, Joey. Well well, look what you brought. Very nice.
Chandler: ...And what did you bring?
Lorraine: She's checking the coats.
Joey, I'm gonna go wash the cab smell off my hands.
Will you get me a white Zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice.
Chandler: Janice?
(Lorraine leaves. Joey shakes his head as though to say,
'It can't be the same Janice.' Janice enters.)
Janice: Oh.... my.... God.
Chandler: (angrily) Hey, it's Janice.
[Scene: The bathroom at the restaurant, Chandler and Joey are talking.]
Chandler: Ok, I'm makin' a break for it, I'm goin' out the window.
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waitin' for like, forever
to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down?
You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice
in the last five months!
Joey: (at the urinal) Can you stop yellin'?
You're makin' me nervous, and I can't go when I'm nervous.
Chandler: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you're right.
(gets up right behind Joey and yells in his ear)
Come on, do it, do it, go, come on!!!
--
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