117-part 03 - 六人行

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning,
Ross, Phoebe, Chandler and Monica sit round the coffee table,
playing Scrabble. Rachel, still in her dressing gown,
is pleading on the phone, her free hand shaking with agitation.]

Rachel: (on phone) Daddy... Daddy... Daddy,
why whyyy would I sleep with Billy Dreskin?
His father tried to put you out of business!
(Rachel turns to Monica, clasping the receiver to her bosom
so Dr.Green can't hear, while mouthing "You are...") ...dead!

(Monica smiles a sweet apology of regret,
until she's distracted by Marcel as he clambers all over her nice furniture.)

Monica: Ross, he's got the remote again.

Ross: Good. Maybe he can switch it back.

(Marcel changes channel to Bugs Bunny, who is speaking in Spanish.)

Ross: Maybe not.

(Meanwhile, Rachel has taken another call,
from a nurse she'd hoped never to hear from again.)

Rachel: Hello? (Listens) Um, yeah, uh,
(snapping her fingers at Ross who takes the remote from Marcel,
then turns off the TV)
Okay ah, hold on a second, lemme lemme just check and see
if see if she's here.

(All animosity forgotten, Rachel holds the receiver out as she limps quickly
over to her friend, who stands up in concern.)

Rachel: It's the woman from the hospital admissions office.
She says there's a problem with the form. Oh, god, oh god...

Rachel and Monica: Oh god, waddawe do, waddawe do, waddawe do?

Monica: I don't know! Why don't you just explain?
What do they want? Find out what they want!

Rachel: Okay (desperately hands the receiver over) no, you do it.

Monica: (taking the phone) Hello, this is Monica... Yeah???
Oh... (Smiles at Rachel to reassure her)
Okay, yes, we'll be right, we'll be right down.
(Listens) Thank you. (Hangs up)

Rachel: What?

Monica: We forgot to sign one of the admissions forms.

Rachel: Ohhh... (slumping in relief) Okay, you were right. You were right!
This was just not worth it.

Monica: Thank you.

Rachel: Okay, let me just change.

Monica: Yes.

(Rachel goes to her room.)

Joey: (entering quietly) Hey.

Ross and Chandler: Hey!

Monica: Hi.

Phoebe: Trouble?

Joey: Your sister stood me up the other night.

Phoebe: Oh, no. Don't you hate it when people aren't there for you?

Ross: Well did you try calling her?

Joey: I've been trying for two days.
When I called the restaurant, they said she was too busy to talk.
I can't believe she's blowin' me off.

(Phoebe wants to be angry with Joey,
but as she watches him shaking his head in pain and disbelief,
she knows that it isn't his fault.)

[Scene: Riff's, Phoebe is entering.
Ursula returns with two plates of chicken,
but she only has time to set one on the table, when...]

Phoebe: Hey.

(Ursula turns in surprise.)

Ursula: Oh!

Phoebe: Um you, you got a minute?

Ursula: Um, yeah, I'm just... (waving dismissively at the concept) ..working.

(Ursula points out a vacant table, so the twins walk over,
side by side, to sit down.
Departing customers walk right past the pair.
Sitting at the back, a hungry gentleman looks most annoyed
as Ursula sets his meal down in front of her. The girls sit.)

Phoebe: So.

Ursula: Uh-huh.

(Ursula is genuinely pleased that her sister has visited her,
after so many years. Phoebe hesitates over how best to begin.)

Phoebe: Um, oh, I got you a birthday present.

(Ursula picks up a fork and begins eating the meat,
while Phoebe removes a present from her bag.)

Ursula: Oh, wow! You remembered! (Opening it)
Oh! It's a Judy Jetson thermos!

(She laughs at the childhood memory.
Phoebe smiles at being able to make her point.)

Phoebe: Right, like the kind you...

Ursula: Right... Oh, I got something for you, too.

(Ursula gets up to fetch a box from her bag by the counter.)

Phoebe: How'd you know I was coming?

Ursula: Um, yeah, um, twin thing.

(Ursula puts the box directly into Phoebe's hand. Phoebe brightens.)

Phoebe: I can't believe you did this.

(Phoebe opens the box, to find something familiar inside.)

Phoebe: I can't believe you... (holding up Joey's cardigan) ..did this.

(Phoebe's smile hardens as she packs the cardigan away.)

Phoebe: So... What's the deal with umm, you and Joey?

Ursula: Oh, right. He is so great. But that's over.

(Ursula resumes eating her lunch..)

Phoebe: Does he know?

Ursula: Who?

Phoebe: Joey. You know, um, he's really nutsy about you.

Ursula: He is? Why?

Phoebe: You got me.

Ursula: Right.

(A waiter comes over for the stolen chicken. Ursula turns to him.)

Ursula: Excuse me. Doesn't this come with a side salad?

(The man gives up, shaking his head.)

Phoebe: So, um, are you gonna call him?

Ursula: What? (Indicating the departing waiter) Do you think he likes me?

Phoebe: No, Joey.

Ursula: Oh. No, no, he is so smart. He'll figure it out.
(Offering to share her food) Do you want some chicken?

Phoebe: No. No food with a face.

Ursula: You have not changed!

(Ursula's eyes dance as she laughs and smiles,
simply glad to be back with her sister.)

Phoebe: Yeah, you too.

(Trying not to wrinkle her nose,
Phoebe smiles back realising it's down to her
to make up for her negligent sister.
Meanwhile, Ursula still hasn't received her side salad,
but when she attempts to attract the waiter's attention, he ignores her.)

[Scene: The Emergency Room. The officious admissions nurse
is again on duty. Rachel and Monica enter, looking worried.
As they approach the desk, Rachel adopts a winning smile,
while Monica struggles to smile at all.]

Rachel: (as Monica) Hi, remember us?

Nurse: (Grimacing) Mmm hmmm.

Monica: (as Rachel) Um, okay. You just called a little while ago
about needing a signature on the admissions form.
Well, it turns out we need a whole new one (little laugh)
because uh, you see, I-I, I put the wrong name again.
(Little laugh) 'cause um...

Nurse: You're that stupid.

Monica: (as Rachel) I am. I'm that stupid. (Little laugh.)

Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, and and, I'm just gonna pay for this with a check.

Nurse: Well, you know your insurance will cover that.

Rachel: (as Monica) Yeah, I know... (mirroring her friend)
..I'm I'm just not that bright either.

(The girls escape with a new form.)

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Chandler is neglecting the game of Scrabble,
for he's busily drawing on his own childhood in an attempt to help Ross.
Marcel chitters about.]

Chandler: Okay, worst case scenario. Say you never feel like a father.

Ross: Uh-huh.

Chandler: Say your son never feels connected to you, as one.
Say all of his relationships are affected by this.

Ross: Do you have a point?

Chandler: You know, you think I would.

(Instead of scampering, Marcel stretches his neck as much as possible,
and makes an unvoiced noise from his throat.)

Chandler: What's up with the simian?

Ross: It's just a fur ball.

Chandler: Okay... (returning to the board) ..whose turn is it?

Ross: Yours, I just got 43 points for 'KIDNEY'.

Chandler: No, no, you got zero points for 'IDNEY'.

Ross: I had a 'K'. Where's where's my 'K'?

(The unvoiced hissing continues.
In alarm, Ross and Chandler look at the monkey,
who is now in some distress.)


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