121 The One With The Fake Monica –Part 3
[Scene: Central Perk, scene continued from earlier.
They guys are sitting there like the Three Monkeys.]
Joey: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!
Chandler: I don't get it, I mean, you just got him.
How can he be an adult already?
Ross: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing,
and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg.
Joey: Isn't there any way you can keep him?
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place
where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,
' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them.
Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos,
y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right?
But that might just be a pipe dream, because,
y'know, he's out of state.
Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach.
I mean, it's a total party zoo.
(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.)
Phoebe: Hey. We found her, we found the girl.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Did you call the cops?
Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch.
Chandler: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you.
She stole. She's a stealer.
Monica: Y'know what? After you're with this woman for like ten minutes,
you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person,
with this, with this amazing spirit.
Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.
Chandler: ...Take off their hats!
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there.]
Rachel: No way. No way did you do this.
Fake Monica: Monana was very brave.
Monica: It was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens
in room six fifteen.
Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over
the entire sixth floor!
Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're,
y'know, short and have breasts...
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Rachel: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream.
I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know.
Don't wait up. (Exits)
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Monica: 'Scuse me?
Fake Monica: There's an open call for Cats.
I'm thinking we go down there, sing Memories
and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya say?
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here.
I mean, I'm not like you.
I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background.
Monica: What?
Fake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?
Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you.
And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life.
Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Monica: Uh-huh.
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring.
I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself
because he can't be in the play? What was that?!
It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home,
do some community theatre.
I walked out of there and I thought,
'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.'
And that thought scared me more than all the other crap
I was afraid to do.
Monica: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.
Everyone but Joey and Monica are there.]
Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into Scranton.
(To the others) That was like our safety zoo.
They take like dogs and cows. See?
I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.
Phoebe: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt.
Ross: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can nobody want him?
Rachel: Oh, somebody will.
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Chandler: You're kidding.
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator
who slaughtered all these people.
You'd think you would've known that!
Chandler: Y'know, you'd think I would've.
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?
Phoebe: ...Flame Boy.
--
[Scene: Central Perk, scene continued from earlier.
They guys are sitting there like the Three Monkeys.]
Joey: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!
Chandler: I don't get it, I mean, you just got him.
How can he be an adult already?
Ross: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing,
and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg.
Joey: Isn't there any way you can keep him?
Ross: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place
where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin,
' he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know that one! ...No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen.
Ross: Well, we're applying to a lot of them.
Naturally our first choice would be one of the bigger state zoos,
y'know, like, uh, San Diego... right?
But that might just be a pipe dream, because,
y'know, he's out of state.
Uh, my vet, uh, knows someone at Miami, so that's a possibility.
Chandler: Yeah, but that's like two blocks away from the beach.
I mean, it's a total party zoo.
(Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel enters.)
Phoebe: Hey. We found her, we found the girl.
Chandler: What?
Joey: Did you call the cops?
Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch.
Chandler: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice.
Ross: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you.
She stole. She's a stealer.
Monica: Y'know what? After you're with this woman for like ten minutes,
you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person,
with this, with this amazing spirit.
Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.
Chandler: ...Take off their hats!
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there.]
Rachel: No way. No way did you do this.
Fake Monica: Monana was very brave.
Monica: It was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens
in room six fifteen.
Only to find out the Boston Celtics had taken over
the entire sixth floor!
Fake Monica: So once they caught on to the fact that we're,
y'know, short and have breasts...
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Rachel: Go Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream.
I get to go pour coffee for people I don't know.
Don't wait up. (Exits)
Fake Monica: Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning for a Broadway show.
Monica: 'Scuse me?
Fake Monica: There's an open call for Cats.
I'm thinking we go down there, sing Memories
and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya say?
Monica: Nononononono. Think who you're dealing with here.
I mean, I'm not like you.
I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish background.
Monica: What?
Fake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?
Monica: Right. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.
Fake Monica: I-I used to be just like you.
And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life.
Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Monica: Uh-huh.
Fake Monica: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring.
I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself
because he can't be in the play? What was that?!
It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home,
do some community theatre.
I walked out of there and I thought,
'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back.'
And that thought scared me more than all the other crap
I was afraid to do.
Monica: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire.
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.
Everyone but Joey and Monica are there.]
Ross: (Reading letters) Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into Scranton.
(To the others) That was like our safety zoo.
They take like dogs and cows. See?
I don't know who this is harder on, me or him.
Phoebe: I'd say that chair's taking the brunt.
Ross: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can nobody want him?
Rachel: Oh, somebody will.
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Chandler: You're kidding.
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator
who slaughtered all these people.
You'd think you would've known that!
Chandler: Y'know, you'd think I would've.
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be?
Phoebe: ...Flame Boy.
--
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