103-part 04 - 六人行

103 The One With the Thumb - PART 04

SCENE 5: CENTRAL PERK (MONICA ALONE. ENTER ROSS, RACHEL,
CHANDLER AND JOEY, DEJECTEDLY, IN SOFTBALL GEAR)

MONICA: Hi.. how was the game?

ROSS: Well..

ALL: WE WON!! Thank you! Yes!

MONICA: Fantastic! I have one question: How is that possible?

JOEY: Alan.

ROSS: He was unbelievable. He was like that-that-that Bugs Bunny cartoon
where Bugs is playing all the positions, right,
but instead of Bugs it was first base-Alan, second base-Alan,
third base-...

RACHEL: I mean, it-it was like, it was like he made us into a team.

CHANDLER: Yep, we sure showed those Hassidic jewellers a thing or two
about softball..

MONICA: Can I ask you guys a question?
D'you ever think that Alan is maybe.. sometimes..

ROSS: What?

MONICA: ..I dunno, a little too Alan?

RACHEL: Well, no. That's impossible. You can never be too Alan.

ROSS: Yeah, it's his, uh, innate Alan-ness that-that-that we adore.

CHANDLER: I personally could have a gallon of Alan.

(CUT TO A STREET WHERE LIZZIE IS RESTING. PHOEBE WALKS UP TO HER)

PHOEBE: Hey, Lizzie.

LIZZIE: Hey, Weird Girl.

PHOEBE: I brought you alphabet soup.

LIZZIE: Did you pick out the vowels?

PHOEBE: Yes. But I left in the Ys. 'Cause, y'know, "sometimes y".
Uh, I also have something else for you. (SEARCHES IN HER PURSE)

LIZZIE: Saltines?

PHOEBE: No, but would you like a thousand dollars and a football phone?

LIZZIE: What? (OPENS THE ENVELOPE PHOEBE HAS GIVEN HER)
Oh my God, there's really money in here.

PHOEBE: I know.

LIZZIE: Weird Girl, what are you doing?

PHOEBE: No, I want you to have it. I don't want it.

LIZZIE: No, no, I ha-I have to give you something.

PHOEBE: Oh, that's fine, no.

LIZZIE: Would you like my tin-foil hat?

PHOEBE: No. 'Cause you need that. No, it's okay, thanks.

LIZZIE: Please, let me do something.

PHOEBE: Okay, alright, you buy me a soda, and then we're even. Okay?

LIZZIE: Okay.

PHOEBE: Okay.

(CUT TO CHANDLER'S OFFICE BLOCK)

(CHANDLER LOOKS ROUND, THEN OPENS HIS DESK DRAWER
AND TAKES A PUFF OF A CIGARETTE.
THEN HE SPRAYS AROUND SOME AIR FRESHENER
AND TAKES SOME BREATH SPRAY. HE TYPES FOR A MOMENT.
THEN HE OPENS THE DRAWER AGAIN AND TAKES ANOTHER PUFF.
NOT PAYING ATTENTION, HE SPRAYS THE BREATH SPRAY AROUND THE ROOM,
TAKES A SQUIRT OF AIR FRESHENER AND GAGS)

(CUT TO PHOEBE AND LIZZIE AT A SODA STAND)

LIZZIE: Keep the change. (TO PHOEBE) Sure you don't wanna pretzel?

PHOEBE: No, I'm fine.

LIZZIE: (LEAVING) See ya.

(PHOEBE OPENS THE CAN AND REACTS)

PHOEBE: Huh!

(CUT TO CENTRAL PERK)

ROSS: A thumb?!

(PHOEBE NODS)

ALL: Eww!

PHOEBE: I know! I know, I opened it up and there it was,
just floating in there, like this tiny little hitch-hiker!

CHANDLER: Well, maybe it's a contest, y'know? Like, collect all five?

PHOEBE: Does, um, anyone wanna see?

ALL: Nooo!

(CHANDLER LIGHTS A CIGARETTE)

ALL: Oh, hey, don't do that! Cut it out!

RACHEL: It's worse than the thumb!

CHANDLER: Hey, this is so unfair!

MONICA: Oh, why is it unfair?

CHANDLER: So I have a flaw! Big deal!
Like Joey's constant knuckle-cracking isn't annoying?
And Ross, with his over-pronouncing every single word?
And Monica, with that snort when she laughs?
I mean, what the hell is that thing?
...I accept all those flaws, why can't you accept me for this?

(UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE)

JOEY: ...Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody?

RACHEL: Well, I-I could live without it.

JOEY: Well, is it, like, a little annoying,
or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair?

(PHOEBE SPITS OUT HER HAIR)

ROSS: Oh, now, don't listen to him, Pheebs, I think it's endearing.

JOEY: Oh, (IMITATING ROSS) "you do, do you"?

(MONICA LAUGHS AND SNORTS)

ROSS: You know, there's nothing wrong with speaking correctly.

RACHEL: "Indeed there isn't"... I should really get back to work.

PHOEBE: Yeah, 'cause otherwise someone might get what they actually ordered.

RACHEL: Ohh-ho-hooohhh. The hair comes out, and the gloves come on.

(THEY DEGENERATE INTO BICKERING AND CHANDLER HAPPILY STARTS TO SMOKE,
UNDISTURBED.)



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