115-part 04 - 六人行

Part -04

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Monica is on the phone.
Rachel walks in and overhears the conversation.]

Monica: (shouting on phone) Wendy, we had a deal!
(Listens) Yeah, you promised! Wendy! Wendy! Wendy! (hangs up)

Rachel: Who was that?

Monica: Wendy bailed. I have no waitress.

Rachel: Oh... that's too bad. Bye bye. (she walks away towards the door)

Monica: Ten dollars an hour.

Rachel: No.

Monica: Twelve dollars an hour.

Rachel: Mon. I wish I could, but I've made plans to walk around.

Monica: You know, Rachel, when you ran out of your wedding,
I was there for you. I put a roof over your head,
and if that means nothing to you...
(Rachel isn't buying it, desperate) twenty dollars an hour.

Rachel: Done.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, later. Rachel is waitressing,
Monica is cooking. Phoebe walks in with Steve
(Crystal Duck winner Jon Lovitz).]

Rachel: Well hello! Welcome to Monica's. May I take your coat?

Monica: Hi Steve!

Steve: Hello, Monica. (to Rachel) Hello, greeter girl.

Monica: (to Steve) This is Rachel.

Steve: (unconcerned) Yeah, OK.

Phoebe: (overemphasizing) Mmmmmm! Everything smells so delicious!
You know, I can't remember a time
I smelt such a delicious combination of
(Monica signals her to stop) of, OK, smells.

Steve: It's a lovely apartment.

Monica: Oh, thank you. Would you like a tour?

Steve: I was just being polite, but, alright.

(They leave on the tour and Rachel goes to follow them
but Phoebe stops her and drags her into the kitchen.)

Rachel: What's up?

Phoebe: (whispers) In the cab, on the way over, Steve blazed up a doobie.

Rachel: What?

Phoebe: Smoked a joint? You know, lit a bone? Weed? Hemp? Ganja?

Rachel: OK, OK. I'm with you, Cheech. OK.

Steve: (from the living room) Is it dry in here? (licks his lips)

Rachel: Let me, let me get you some wine!

Monica: Yeah, I think we're ready for our first course.
(Steve sits, Monica brings over a tray)
OK, um, these are rot-shrimp ravioli, and celantro pondou sauce...
(Steve starts to eat them one by one, quickly)...
with just a touch of mints... and... (he finishes)... ginger.

Steve: Well, smack my ass and call me Judy! These are fantastic!

Monica: I'm so glad you liked them!

Steve: Like 'em? I could eat a hundred of them!

Monica: Oh, well... um, that's all there are of these.
But in about eight and a half minutes,
we'll be serving some delicious onion tartlets.

Steve: Tartlets. Tartlets. Tartlets. The word has lost all meaning.
(he gets up and goes into the kitchen)

Rachel: Excuse me? Can I help you with anything?

Steve: You know, I don't know what I'm looking for.

(Rachel tries to get Monica's attention to tell her Steve is stoned.
She pretends to drag on a joint, and Monica thinks she's giving her
the 'OK' signal. Then Rachel does it again, inhaling deeply this time.
Monica waves it off as though she doesn't believe it.)

Steve: (from kitchen) Ah, cool! Taco shells! (Rachel motions, "You see!")
You know, these are... they're like a little corn envelope.

Monica: (joining him and taking the taco shells)
You know that? You don't want to spoil your appetite.

Steve: (looking in cabinets) Hey! Sugar-O's! (grabs the cereal box)

Monica: You know, if you just wait another... six and a half minutes...

Steve: Macaroni and cheese! We gotta make this!

Monica: No, we don't. (reaches for box)

Steve: Oh, OK. (he drops the box on the floor)
Oh, sorry. (When she bends down to pick it up
he grabs a package of Gummi-bears from the cabinet.)

Monica: Why don't you just have a seat here?
(he sits at the table, then tries to secretly eat the Gummi-bears.
Monica spots him.) OK... give me the Gummi-bears.

Steve: (childishly) No.

Monica: Give them to me.

Steve: Alright, we'll share.

Monica: No, give me the...

Steve: Well then you can't have any.
(she grabs for the package, and it breaks open.
Gummi-bears fly everywhere, some into the punch bowl on the table.)
Bear overboard! I think he's drowning.
(he throws some Sugar-O's into the punch bowl)
Hey fellows! Grab on a Sugar-O... save yourself!
(Mimicking the bears) "Help! I'm drowning! Help!"

Monica: (furious) That's it! Dinner is over!

Steve: What?

Monica: What?

Steve: Why?

Monica: Why? It's just that I've waited seven years
for an opportunity like this,
and you can't even wait four and a half minutes
for a stupid onion tartlet?

(The oven goes off.)

Steve: (excited) Hey!

[Scene: Central Perk, all are there except Chandler.]

Joey: What a tool!

Rachel: You don't want to work for a guy like that.

Ross: Yeah!

Monica: I know... it's just... I thought this was, you know... it.

Ross: Look, you'll get there. You're an amazing chef.

Phoebe: Yeah! You know all those yummy noises? I wasn't faking.

(Ross gets up and goes over to the counter and Joey follows him.)

Joey: (to Ross) So, er... how did it go with Celia?

Ross: Oh, I was unbelievable.

Joey: All right, Ross!

Ross: I was the James Michener of dirty talk.
It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard.
I mean, there were characters, plot lines, themes, a motif...
at one point there were villagers.

Joey: Whoa! And the... (gestures with hands) huh-huh?

Ross: Well, ahem... you know,
by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk,
it was kinda late... and we were both kind of exhausted, so uh...

Joey: You cuddled.

Ross: Yeah, which was nice.

Phoebe: You guys wanna try and catch a late movie or something?

Rachel: Maybe, but shouldn't we wait for Chandler?

Joey: Yeah, where the hell is he?

[Scene: Chandler's office, he's on the phone, agitated.]

Chandler: (on phone) Yes, Fran. I know what time it is,
but I'm looking at the WENUS and I'm not happy!...
(Listens) Oh, really, really, really?
Well, let me tell you something... you will care about it,
because I care about it! You got it? Good!
(slams phone down, then leans back and realizes what just happened)
Whooooaaaa....

Closing Credits

[Scene: Phoebe's massage parlour, she has Steve on the table,
and is giving him an extra-painful massage.]

Phoebe: How's this? (presses down hard)

Steve: Eeeee!

Phoebe: Sorry. How about over here? (presses down hard again)

Steve: Aaaaah!

Phoebe: See, that just means it's working. Does this hurt?
(presses down elsewhere)

Steve: No.

Phoebe: What about this?
(she starts using her elbows on his back, he yells in pain)

Steve: Aaaaahhh!!

Phoebe: There you go!
(She continues to work him over with her elbows
and he continues to yell in pain.)

End

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