120-part 03 - 六人行

120 The One With the Evil Orthodontist --PART 3

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, the next morning.
Chandler is sitting and staring at his phone.
Monica enters and creeps up next to Chandler.]

Monica: Brrrrrrr!

(Chandler clutches at his phone before realising.)

Chandler: Hell is filled with people like you.

Joey: (entering) He's back! The peeper's back!

(Rachel enters from her room.)

Joey: (ducking) Get down!

Rachel: Get down?

Chandler: ...And boogie!

Rachel: Thanks, but I gotta go to work
and get my eyes scratched out by Mindy.

Monica: Relax. Y'know, she may not even know.

Rachel: Please. I haven't heard from her in seven months,
and now she calls me? I mean, what else is it about?
Oh! She was my best friend, you guys!
We went to camp together... she taught me how to kiss..

Joey: (intrigued) Yeah?

Rachel: And now, y'know, I'm like... I'm like the other woman! I feel so..

Joey: ..Naughty!

Rachel: Right, I'll see you guys later...

Joey: Oh, hold up, I'll walk out with you.
Now, Rach, when she taught you to kiss, you were at camp, and..
were you wearing any kinda little uniform, or-
(Rachel exits and slams the door in his face.) That's fine, yeah...

(Joey exits.)

Chandler: Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Will you watch my phone?

Monica: Why don't you just take it with you?

Chandler: Hey, we haven't been on a second date, she needs to hear me pee?

Monica: Why don't you just call her?

Chandler: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.

Monica: Do you?

Chandler: No! (Calls) Danielle, hi! It's, uh, it's Chandler!
(Listens) I'm fine. Uh, listen,
I don't know if you tried to call me, because, uh,
idiot that I am, I accidentally shut off my phone.
(Listens) Oh, uh, okay, that's fine, that's great.
(Listens) Okay. (Puts down the phone.)
(to Monica) She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back.
(He starts doing a little jig.)
She's on the other line, she's gonna call me back,
she's on the other line, gonna call me back...

Monica: Don't you have to pee?

Chandler: 'S'why I'm dancing...

[Scene: Central Perk, Rachel is serving coffee as Mindy enters.]

Rachel: Mindy.

Mindy: Hey, you.

Rachel: Hey, you.... So, what's up?

Mindy: Um.. we should really be sitting for this.

Rachel: Sure we should... So.

Mindy: Now, I know things've been weird lately,
but you're like my oldest friend in the world...
Except for maybe Laurie Schaffer, who I don't talk to anywhere,
'cause she's all bitter now that she lost the weight
and it turns out she doesn't have a pretty face.
....Okay, I'm just gonna ask you this once,
and I want a straight answer.

Rachel: Okay.

Mindy: Will you be my maid of honour?

Rachel: Of course!

Mindy: Oh that's so great!

Rachel: Was that all you wanted to ask me?

Mindy: That's all!

Rachel: Ohhhh!! (Mindy starts to sob.) ...What? What?

Mindy: That's not all.

Rachel: Oh sure it is!

Mindy: Oh no, it isn't! No! I think Barry is seeing someone in the city.

Rachel: Um, what- what would make you think that?

Mindy: Well, ever since we announced the engagement,
he's been acting really weird, and then last night,
he came home smelling like Chanel.

Rachel: (draws back) Really. Mindy, if it'll make you feel any better,
when I was engaged to him he went through a whole weird thing too.

Mindy: Oh God! You see, that's what I was afraid of!

Rachel: What? What's what you were afraid of?

Mindy: Okay, okay... when Barry was engaged to you,
he and I...kind of... had a little thing on the side.

Rachel: What?

Mindy: I know. I know, and when he proposed to me,
everyone said "Don't do it, he's just gonna do to you
what he did to Rachel," and now I feel so stupid.

Rachel: Uh... Oh, Mindy, you are so stupid. Oh, we are both so stupid.

Mindy: What do you mean?

Rachel: (offers her arm to Mindy and she sniffs) Smell familiar?

Mindy: Oh no.

Rachel: Oh, I am so sorry.

Mindy: No me, I am so sorry...

(They hug and Joey enters.)

Joey: (watches them for a while) Oh my.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, Phoebe and Ross are doing a crossword,
Monica is cooking, and Chandler is still staring at his phone.]

Ross: Four letters: "Circle or hoop".

Chandler: Ring dammit, ring!

Ross: Thanks.

Joey: (entering) Hey, you know our phone's not working?

Chandler: What?!

Joey: I tried to call you from the coffee shop, and there was no answer.

Chandler: (investigating) I turned it off. Mother of God, I turned it off!

Monica: Just like you told her you did! (Chandler glares at her.)
... Just pointing out the irony.

Joey: Hey, so listen, I went across the street and talked to the doorman-
I got the peeper's name! Can I use the phone?

Chandler: Nngghhh!!!!!!!

Joey: (to Monica) Can I use your phone?
(On phone) Yeah, the number for a Sidney Marks, please.

Ross: "Heating device."

Phoebe: Radiator.

Ross: Five letters.

Phoebe: Rdtor.

Joey: (on phone) Yeah, is Sidney there? (Listens) Oh, this is?
(To the gang) Sidney's a woman.

Monica: So she's a woman! So what?

Joey: Yeah. Yeah, so what?
(On phone) Look, I live across the street, (walking to the window)
and I know all about you and your little telescope,
and I don't appreciate it, okay?
(Listens) Yeah, I can see you right now! (Listens) Hello!
(Listens) If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear,
I shouldn't have to feel like—(Listens)—Thank you, but...
that's not really the point... (Listens) The point is that...
(Listens) Mostly free weights, but occasionally..

Monica: Joey!!

Joey: (on phone) Yeah, my neighbor... (Listens) Yeah, the brunette...
(to Monica) She says you looked very pretty the other day
in the green dress.

Monica: The green dress? Really?

Joey: Yeah, she said you looked like Ingrid Bergman that day.

Monica: (waves dismissively to Sidney) Nooo!


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